Dissolution / Disillusionment

what a disaster
what a surprise
my pulse pounds faster
the water's in my eyes

my instinct says run without saying goodbye
construct a safe edifice of denials and lies
can i lay in the ruins of love that won't survive
until my will dissolves and i let it fall to pieces?

but i take a deep breath and let it out
bite my lip and beat back doubt
why can't you leave me alone
even when you're not here
even when you're nowhere near?

the clocks protest
time stands still
i refuse to confess
to the things i feel

you don't exist, except in my heart
built up of memory & abandoned parts
can i rest in your arms? put my head on your chest
until my will collapses and i let you drift apart?

but i take a deep breath and let it out
bite my lip and beat back doubt
why can't you leave me alone
even when you're not here
even when you're nowhere near?