the monotony of rising and falling

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the bustle and clamor
don't come knocking if you want something
i won't answer no matter how you hammer

not gonna think about the last time i screwed up
or the last time i saw you, or the last thing you said
will put on my headphones, fill up some pages
empty my bruised heart and clear my stubborn head

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the climbing and crawling
don't come knocking if you want something
to break the monotony of rising and falling

i choose to walk where others see a wasteland
and i embrace it and i kiss the thorny soil
the spirit comes and raises my chin
oh destiny, i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
going away

Red Ballpoint Pen

five seconds, i'll lay my soul bare
bask in the phosphor heat
the spark, the hush, the crackle, the flare
i promise to stay incomplete
flickering to nothing but ash
my love burns hot, and it burns out so fast
it burns out so fast but tomorrow i won't care

three minutes, i'll drown in your eyes
touch the sweet cup to my lips
the rose, the blush, the body, the light
i'm forcing my own eclipse
holding on to an empty glass
my love intoxicates, but it never lasts
it never lasts and tomorrow i'll swallow new lies

one night, i'll laugh at this madness
curled up tight in a chair

the pride, the penance, the waste, the sadness
i've seen more truth now than i can bear
scribbling with a red ballpoint pen
my love's an addiction, i'll taste it again
i'll taste it again, and tomorrow i know i'll be glad

poker face

if actions speak louder than words
then i never speak at all
the money's down, bluff's been called
let the chips fall where they may

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

i'm compulsive, pour me a drink
i'll either be happy or sad
when the sun's comin up and my wallet's lost
yeah i've been had or so they say

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

Suppose

You all get married young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose it's brought you happiness too? I suppose no one's happier than you

You're having babies young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you've matured too? I suppose you'll raise 'em just like you

I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but I'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

You all go to church on sundays cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose those people in the church love you? I suppose you love those people too

You all talk about your god cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you preach what you practice too? I suppose no one's holier than you

but I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but i'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

I take communion with a steaming loaf of bread and red wine
in the back of the bar with my friends at closing time

and we never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
we were never satisfied to live our lives just like everyone else
and music is the secret we share among ourselves

our cups run over and spill on the floor
we've stayed up too late, let's just sing one more
all of us broken and used, lost and confused
and we might break ourselves but we'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf