12.20.2007

Broken Thing

When I couldn't take it anymore
I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door
and think of the choices before me
what the cabinet holds
but I always did as I was told
am I a broken thing?

When the fight began I had nowhere to go
so I closed my eyes and turned up the stereo
The way a voice can tell stories
it's not supposed to tell
I keep my secrets and keep them well
am I a broken thing?

But I pretend everything's ok
the bruises are under my clothes
and only the mirror knows
am i a broken thing?

Atlas Shrugged

I'm at the dead-end street
I'm in the darkened alley
It's like it's calling for me
It's like I know it wants me

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

I buy human misery
For two new shiny quarters
Ink runs in the rain
My hands are black and stained

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

There's no escape,
no escape

9.18.2007

joyfully

Cloud shadow runs over my skin
The world is racing by
I tremble like a leaf on the branch
With the next wind's breath
I'll spin into the unknown
Joyfully

So I'm not a green and tender thing
My color bursts forth
And I couldn't ride the wind like this
When I was young and afraid
Now I open my arms
Joyfully

I fall for the golden lazy boy
The liquid autumn sun
His kiss still burns on my brow
Even after he sinks below
I follow him down
Into the unknown
With open arms
Joyfully

9.13.2007

shoulders dream

i'm waiting for your words to speak to me
while doubting the existence
the wordless language of hands and eyes

so i spend my time gathering fragments
trying to form an image out of dust
until i feel the weariness creep into my blood

i want to let go, but i can't

i find comfort in the angles and distance
doubt becomes a heady drug
the way to avoid opening myself to anyone

i want it this way, the utter quiet
though sometimes, late, my shoulders sigh
with their own dream of leaning on someone

i want to let go, but i can't

i've taken it too far now
you have to knock before i can invite you inside
and let go

8.29.2007

snow globe

i'm afraid of the frozen landscape
the friendly mouths are stretched too wide
like wolves and crocodiles
smiling out from civilian eyes

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

i'm afraid of the motionless residents
welcoming arms stretched out too wide
like sea urchins and anemones
patiently waiting for prey to arrive

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

caught on this day in a chemical mold
this place is a pretty prison
i want to smash the walls of glass in
to free the mix of water and ash

but i know
nobody wants this but me
they want to stay in the fake snow
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
outside it's snowing real snow

8.22.2007

the damaged part

fingers meshed between a chain link fence
i want what i see lying just beyond my grasp
Brooklyn with your rain-lashed face
streaked with tail lights smudge
i don't care how cold you get
i'll walk your streets all night

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

fingers tracing concrete graffiti scars
the Braille your history is written in
stories vibrate through my skin
in snapshot moments i never lived
wandering where the wind leads
this is what i need, sleep can wait

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
please don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

7.11.2007

Vinyl

in the wee hours my thoughts revolve
my eyes run the record groove
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it scratching, scratching
my thoughts revolve
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

on an endless night i turn the volume up
my voice crackles, warm vinyl
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it grinding, grinding
turn the volume up
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

6.23.2007

forbidden door

behind the forbidden door
i hear the click of claw on floor
panting breath and blood-spill lust
my palms sweat and my mouth tastes of dust

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

all of us have a secret room
where horrors crawl and terrors bloom
we lock the door and pretend not to know
the things that we left to ripen below

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

5.24.2007

Freedom

everyday it's the same old day
all the people pushing each other out of the way
to get where they don't want to be in the first place
to get the money to buy the things they don't need to fill the empty space
to replace dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

i get lost in the crowd, i lose my way
they taught me if i want to get somewhere
i've got to take and take and take
till the weaker ones break beneath me
i've lost my sense of sound and sight and touch and taste
i replace my dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences

5.23.2007

you're the dog

let me strain at the end of my chain
run the wide circle, i wear it down
to a rutted hollow in the ground
don't take the collar off

i'm a hound hungry for a bone
to hoard and bury in fertile black soil
the dark womb, my plot takes root
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

let me run till i'm yanked off my feet
scrape off the skin and bloody my chin
test the limits with lunatic insistence
don't take the collar off

i'm a mongrel lusting for strangers
to rend and tear, they dared liberation
while i am in ruins pacing the boundary
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

5.07.2007

Papers and Magazines

remember when we couldn't sleep
cuz the nightmares were real and their shadows stretched deep
I'd say think of a beautiful dream

we'd get together when we got older
you said I was your savior but you were my shoulder
and we shared the myths of the past

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

remember when I met you at the train
we drank beer on my stoop without saying a thing
then we both laughed and took a breath

we were naïve and broken and sad
i still thought i could save the world when it went bad

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

but if you need to breathe I will help you to breathe
if you need to believe I will help you to believe
if you need to break free I will help you to break free
'cuz you always did the same for me
you always did the same for me

4.25.2007

needles and spines

when i was a kid you would drive and i'd hold the map upside down
then we'd get lost but you'd never get mad, you'd laugh and kiss me on the crown
and say, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but people are puzzles with signs and symbols that i can't decipher

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

when i was a kid i reached for the burner, you grabbed my hands and pulled me away
but i had to touch it, i kept reaching out, i had to learn the meaning of pain
you said, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but i still see it brighten and beckon so i reach for the fire

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the world quivers with needles and spines
the glint of poison leaves my hypnotized
and crawls into the whorls and ravines
i wanna taste it, even if it kills me

even if it's wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the inevitable

here i am again in a cab from manhattan
leaving the city for the quiet of brooklyn
and the city lights look like a fairy kingdom
reflected in the river's dark oblivion

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

would be easy to give in after everything that's been
but how could i begin? should i shuffle and flinch
when i remember standing straight and proud
with heart unshackled, head unbowed

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

if this is the price i will pay it
if this is the command i will obey it
if no one understands i will believe it
the light is in my hands
i can feel it
i can see it

always there when i come home