Don't Come in Here

I know the lock won't hold
I could pry it open with a butter knife
and the door's only a cheap piece of plywood
but I still get the urge to check it twice

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don't come in here
please just don't come in here

I drew on the wall in black ink
A caricature saying, "happy holiday"
Then I drew all over my arms and legs
It's permanent but it washes away

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don't come in here
please just don't come in here

I never wore a cap and a gown
They said I'd never get out of this town
But I defied everyone
I always knew how to hide, then I learned how to run

So I don't have to sit on the floor with my back against the door
Trying to disappear, please just don't come in here
please just don't come in here
just don't come in here

Half Moon

Half-circle moons glow in my palms
The mark will fade if that’s what I want
But I need it to conjure your trembling ghost
You’re still the drug I crave the most

You meant well, yeah you meant for good
But it all turned to shit like we knew it would
Now I can’t see your eyes or taste your lips
Your moon killed my sun in a noiseless eclipse

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
but we all lie to hide what we cannot show

I feel my body break away from me
Fragments spinning out without gravity
In the stereo static I can’t be read
I tried to laugh but I screamed instead

You put me together, you pulled me apart
You cradled my head, you buried my heart
The day was too long but it ended too soon
My sun wastes away in the glow of your moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

So I straighten my shoulders and hold up my head
Pour out my wine and break my bread
I wanted to walk but I danced instead
Under the half-moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

Airplanes

the airplanes fly overhead all night
I wish I was on one, on any flight
this is not the way that I imagined my life
so take me far away from it tonight

I can't afford a ticket anyway
and I'm afraid of crashing so I end up praying
even though I don't believe in anything
except this dream of getting far away

get up, shower, brush your teeth
find some clothes, walk to the subway
ride to manhattan, go to work,
do your job, then catch the subway home
try to relax and sleep, try to relax and sleep
and listen enviously to the airplanes that you'll never ride on
flying over Brooklyn all night, endlessly
goodnight

Rein Me In

I'm all passion and no sense
leave the gate open while mending the fence
won't take the bit at my own expense
who's gonna rein me in

I think too much so I hold my tongue
You already caught me, that's when I start to run
Broke the bridle when I was young
who's gonna rein me in

I hold myself so still
While I detonate inside
In the aftershock I'm surprised you don't see
The flames flowering in my eyes

But I smile brightly while I'm bleeding
My mind is stern, but my eyes are pleading
without a bridle, without a bit
who's gonna rein me in

Panic

something's wrong with me, i don't want, i don't want to think
but i can't stop, i can't stop circling these well-worn thoughts
i should be asleep right now, right now but i can't, i can't rest
i dread tonight, i dread tomorrow, and all the rest

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling
on repeat

something's wrong with me, i go white, i go white sometimes
without warning, i have to leave, i have to leave the room
i can't breathe, i can't, and i'm shaking and shaking
oh you stole my joy, my song, my dream, my everything

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling
on repeat

they say don't talk about it
don't talk about it
don't talk about it
just keep quiet

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling

Small Town Girls

When things got bad I'd sneak away with a book
Or scribble poems laced with blood and tears
No one thought to ask if something was wrong
While I withdrew to the prison of my fears

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

I'd read all night until the sun scorched my face
And stumble dazed into the hallway
Playing out the colored Classics in my head
While sleepwalking through another shabby day

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

I thought someone was coming to rescue me
A savior or a hero or destiny
I waited patiently, expectantly
And I learned to save myself eventually

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

Broken Rosary

where were you when she was drinking too much
in the middle of town, we were afraid that she'd pass out
they poured water on her head until the ambulance came
and i watched through the car window as they rushed her away

we believed, we believed

where were you when he was suffering
he could barely speak but he knew he had to feed her
they hung him out the window by two little feet
and when he played make believe everyone was falling

we believed, we believed

we will be ok, ok, ok
at least, that's what we'd always say

where were you when she tore up her skin
and crippled the hand she used to paint with
when she crashed her car into a wall on purpose
she always walked away with new scratches

but we believed, we believed, we believed

SunStorm

This morning's rain is clinging to my blue coat
it still lays in glistening lines on the highway outside my window
the sound of turning wheels whispers a siren call
the warning bell sounds again and I don't mind it at all

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

You rise like the sun scattering the clouds
I wanna lay in your warmth and hear you say my name out loud
but when the clouds roll in I want electricity crackling on my skin
the thunder and the lightning to strike me again and again

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?
This is all my fault but I can't change who I am
and that's how the story ends
that's how the story ends

Everything is as It Should Be

The summer sky fades into a warm haze
The water’s dark but the city’s ablaze
When I think of all I’ve got, I am blessed and I'm amazed
Finally everything is as it should be

I sing out loud when I walk down the street
I talk with my hands and I waltz with my feet
Maybe I’m the craziest girl you’ll ever meet
But finally everything is as it should be

The darkness crouches like a hungry beast
And sometimes it pounces, sometimes it feasts
Despite our struggles we sometimes taste defeat
But when we win it makes our victories taste so much more sweet

I love to sit at this copper-lined bar
And watch my friend strum a beat-up guitar
We forget what we’ve done, we forgive who we are
Cuz finally everything is as it should be

Trash and Blossoms

I stood on the sidewalk and watched the wind turn
trash and blossoms into a living collage
the Brooklyn streets are dressed up like a fairy tale movie set
graffitied by some kid cuz it looked too perfect to stay untouched

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

I take all the strength inside me and pour it out
without thinking how I'll survive
iron leaches from my skin, I'm left standing in porcelain
waiting for someone to break me so I'll know that I'm alive

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

my jaw ached this morning, clenched up while I was dreaming
and the sun whispered me awake to the sound of traffic singing
I have nothing beyond today, no past or future bar my way
the chaos of these contradictions is all that brings me faith

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

The Dream has Changed

They say this house isn’t yours anymore
Where you measured your kids and played games of Risk on the floor
There’s a sign on your lawn and your life’s been boxed away
So people can buy all your hopes, now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

You lie awake at night running a recount in your head
The money just isn’t there no matter how late you toss in your bed
The morning’s coming, a mixed blessing of relief and dread
What will you tell the ones you love? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

In the morning you watch the market edge a little lower
Finish “The Grapes of Wrath” and wonder if we’re going under
You bet the last of your faith on this year's election
Are we too late to be saved? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

Rush Hour

I swore not to hold the elevator anymore
for the people getting off on the second floor
'cuz when they see that I'm coming
they smile and press the button
to close the doors

A myriad of petty little things
build up each day until I want to scream
so I sigh and mutter expletives
if it doesn't kill me, I guess I'll live
hey I can dream

Instead I'm gonna smile at everyone
even when my coffee burns my tongue
and pedestrians push me out of their way
I won't let it wreck my day
I'll listen to the buskers play
donate my last twenty to a bum

Then I'm gonna make you all into my band
If you can't play guitar you can clap your hands
we'll go walking down the streets
a parade of misfits with damaged beats
until the neighbors stomp their feet
on a day so fair and yet so fleet
we'll sing until we can't stand

You Don't Want to Taste My Heart

I reached through my own skin
Deep between my lungs and ribs
I fought to hold my heart down
Until it stopped struggling

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to hurt myself again

You don't want to taste my heart
You don't want the band-aid off
But I can't stop the flow of blood
til it pours out in a flash flood

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to crush myself again

You think I shut the deluge down
When I chatter and I play the clown
But the fall just takes another form
I lie in the center of the storm

I can only be free when I sing
I'm only free when I sing