3.26.2004

on my mind

i don't want to think about it anymore
you left but you didn't shut the door
or maybe i left it standing open for you to come through
laid aside, left behind and i still want you

you're on my mind - all the time

i don't want to wait beside the phone
so i can let it ring, pretend i am not at home
i'm not fooling anyone, it's sad but true
cast off, cut loose and i still want you

you're on my mind - all the time

i don't want this image in my head
your body beckoning, darling come to bed
tousled hair spilling between eyes of blue
fool's gold, a coarse joke and i still want you

you're on my mind - all the time

3.22.2004

Asylum

Staring at my face flickering on the surface of a shatter-proof pane
Pretending to look out the window as the train speeds me back upstate
Imagining the contours of my reflection radiate into a train-wreck
I am going home to the graveyard- we bury the dead in our beds

Give me asylum, asylum

Walk into the menacing house that never changes over time
Years shed as smooth as snakeskin- leave it on the porch before you come in
Daughters and mothers and sisters, women who can't keep hold of their men
We gather in the graveyard united and alone again

Give me asylum, asylum

Take the train back over Harlem, under Manhattan, deep into Brooklyn
Becoming a separate entity, leaving instability behind me
Same face on shatter-proof glass but the eyes are now troubled with ghosts
Avoid the reflection in windows or your hands will start to shake


Give me asylum. asylum

Gingerbread Man

You owe me a kiss, don't think of leaving before i collect
look in my blue eyes, you'll see i give it as good as i get
i've got a sweet tooth and i've got a craving for you
gingerbread man

don't run away, cuz you haven't satisfied me yet
you might be the most delicious man i've ever met
i've got a sweet tooth and i've got a craving for you
gingerbread man

i get a little sugar on my tongue
my body comes alive, my blood begins to hum
i need more than a taste, i want whole man
so run right over here sugar
run, run as fast as you can

i want to feel the weight of your body pressing against mine
wanna roll you my tongue like wine
i've got a sweet tooth and i've got a craving for you
gingerbread man

3.11.2004

Hotel Beds

It was so easy, so easy to forget me, to forget
That I am the war-torn bride of impulse and regret

I'd sooner see you in the ground than see you leave me tenantless again

It was so easy, so easy to dismiss me, to dismiss
My hopped up junkie's lust for your bad blood and your kiss

I'd sooner see you in the ground than see you leave me tenantless again

You treat hearts and heads like hotel beds-
Occupied for a night, vacant at first light
It was so easy, so easy

I'd sooner see you in the ground than see you leave me tenantless again

Tumbleweed

I'll tell you why I'm content to be a footnote in someone else's life
I didn't know any better
I worked so hard to purchase the oblivion served up in bars
I didn't know any better

I drift around, coughing up my youth in a dried up town
Tumbleweed in the wind, I might have gone astray but I never sinned
I didn't know any better

They gave me a name, stamped it on my skin and that's what I became
I didn't know any better
Vagabond, lurching toward love as I stumbled along
I didn't know any better

I drift around, coughing up my youth in a dried up town
Tumbleweed in the wind, I might have gone astray but I never sinned
I didn't know any better

3.02.2004

Violets in June

Call me a passing notion, a lingering hint of perfume
Echoes of a sweet sad song, can't quite remember the tune

Violet in June, violets in June

Call me a hazy daydream, a spark that failed to inflame
Girl with a big foolish heart, can't quite remember her name

Violet in June, violets in June

Call me anything, it doesn't mean anything
Thoughtlessness looks a lot like tenderness
if you stand far enough away

Something to Cry

Mary escapes to the streets
With her two bruised eyes and two bare feet
Safer out there than inside with the monster
Hits her with an open fist, don't say a word

God, tell me why trust leads to treason, tell me there's a reason
I'll give you something to cry about

John leaves the light on
In hopes it'll scare off the night-time phantoms
Nowhere to run when the bogey man comes
Slides under the covers, don't say a word

God, tell me why trust leads to treason, tell me there's a reason
I'll give you something to cry about
I'll give you something to cry about
I'll give you something to cry about 

Vulture

My mind is circling like a vulture over a carcass- it's making me sick
Tearing at the flesh, picking at the bone
The past is dead but I can taste it

Enough, enough
Can I let sleeping corpses lie?
Can I let my favorite demon die?
Can I kiss you goodbye?

Time has sealed the curse into my skin, carving out ravines of gin and nicotine
Tearing at the flesh, picking at the bone
I'm already dead- i can feel it

Enough. enough
Can I let sleeping corpses lie?
Can I let my favorite demon die?
Can I kiss you goodbye?

Unrepentant

Prophet told me I'm trouble
I said man, you got that right
Come take a walk with me in the double-talk
The gospel of delight

Prophet told me repent now
I said man, you're a little too late
Nothing on earth can save this sinner
So why not help me deviate?

I'm unrepentant so there's no need to forgive me
I'm unrepentant so there's no need to forgive me

Prophet told me I'm fallen
I said man, how could you know?
Come take a walk with me on the wicked side
And reap the crop you sow

Prophet told me I'm bound for hell
I said man, I'm already in it
Don't know where the trouble's gonna end
But I intend to begin it

I'm unrepentant so there's no need to forgive me
I'm unrepentant so there's no need to forgive me

If it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?

Never Happened

Don't trust my senses, don't trust the flutter in my gut
Betrayed by my instincts, why give a damn what anybody thinks?

Never never never never never never never- it never happened

Give you what you want, give you what you say you need
cuz I exist to please you, a mannequin made of meat and sinew

Never never never never never never never- it never happened

The train stops suddenly, stutter of bad poetry
The motion begins and ends with me crawling on my hands, on my knees

Never never never never never never never- it never happened

How I Say Goodbye

This is how I say goodbye
Cover your lips with my hand
Cover your body with mine
Push you down on the bed and fuck you, fuck you

This is how I say goodbye
Slap your face, leave a handprint
Scratch your cheek, leave a blueprint
This is how I feel- I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding

This is how I say goodbye
Your rhythm pounding away the memory
Your fluid filling all the space in me
In the final convulsive shudder

it's over, I'm over, we're over
it's over, you're over, we're over
goodbye

Spoils of War

Took your sisters, your daughters, your mothers
Took us on our beds, on the roads, in the gutters
The rebels and veterans, the patriots and government
It's always the same men with different faces

Demon hands hold you down on the floor
Living, breathing, bleeding, screaming spoils of war

There's no escape, the boys'll run you down
And every other year another army comes to town
Pussy is the property of the fucking military
Rapist mercenaries, soldiers show no mercy

Demon hands hold you down on the floor
Living, breathing, bleeding, screaming spoils of war

Cattle, chattel, the booty in every battle
No one gives a fuck, they just fuck you
while the world sits by and covers her eyes
with demon hands

Spoils of war

november

Puppet-jerk awake to the alarm clock wail wearing yesterday's make-up
Wearing late night gin and cigarrette skin around your hangover eyes
Ash in your hair, this may be the darkest day of the weary year but there's a luminous air
Stirring in your lungs beneath the mask of flesh

November, hold up your face for winter's kiss
Remember how you danced away, across the shadow of your grave
With a schoolgirl smile on your grandmother lips?

How a crowd of strangers will mourn as if they always adored you
When you're long past the aching need to gain a fleeting gasp of approval
Past the roses and the champagne, exquisitely intoxicated 
when it rains I hear the song you bled in slow beads from your veins

November, hold up your face for winter's kiss
Remember how you danced away, across the shadow of your grave
With a schoolgirl smile on your grandmother lips?

Tomorrow i'll lay down in your cold arms and rest

Breadcrumbs

I can't find my heart, I think it got buried
In the debris of my innocence, the garbage heap of missing things

Somewhere in the paper streamers, barbie doll heads, glitter glue
I left behind a breadcrumb trail that I can't find my way back to

I've played juliet, rapunzel and cinderella, the damsel in distress makes good when she gets her fella
This is the happy ending that all little girls believe in- beauty and a rescue and a man who won't be leaving

I can't find my heart, I'm afraid there's none to find
I served it up in parts to men who claimed they loved my mind

Flies buzz above the paper streamers, barbie doll heads, glitter glue
I think they ate the breadcrumb trail, there's nothing I can do
but stay here, lost

china doll

the boys used to steal you, force a kiss on your ruby lips
flaunt you like a trophy, eventually gave you the slip
the girls used to dress you up in old discarded clothes
by & by, you made the rounds- where you'll end nobody knows

stupid girl, you got what you deserve
china doll, you got what you deserve

the fissures on your face are blue like vein on fine white skin
how many arms have danced you 'round, stroked your porcelain?
how many voices whispered secrets in your cold glazed ear?
you'll never have a voice to tell what you see or feel or hear

stupid girl, you got what you deserve
china doll, you got what you deserve

stuffing bursting at the seam
eyes seen more than you ever dreamed
helpless, cornflower blue
let him open & shut your eyes for you

stupid girl, you got what you deserve
china doll, you got what you deserve

careful where you put your naked feet
there's glass all over the floor...

Beggars Waltz

Danced the beggars waltz last night
Trying to keep myself from stillness or flight
With nights unslept and tears unshed
Let my feet breach the words instead

So much desire when it's nothing I need
So much desire sunk in the arms of greed

I think I might recover but one word pulls me back under
to the night I broke my wings against the pillars and battlements
Guess it seems like I'll never stop beating myself up over a lost fight

Danced the beggars waltz last night
A crude distraction from the frost and blight
with hands unheld and lips unkissed
Let my feet speak of the love I've missed

So much desire when it's nothing I need
So much desire sunk in the arms of greed

I think I might recover but one word pulls me back under
to the night I broke my wings against the pillars and battlements
Guess it seems like I'll never stop beating myself up over a lost fight

deja vu

it gets harder as i get older
used to be a day i'd believe anything
the next stranger round the corner
familiar hand on my shoulder
darling i've been looking all over

finding you is like deja vu,
it makes me remember what it feels like
to fall in love
what it feels like...

in the winter as i get colder
my hands begin to tremble and shake
though the fire shrinks to an ember
don't get bitter in december
darling i've been looking all over

finding you is like deja vu
it makes me remember what it feels like
to fall in love
what it feels like...

Heartless Heart

I bite cuz I am ice-cold, a kitten wrapped up in clouds of sinuous snakeskin
I scratch cuz I am cornered, velvet paws enclosing baby claws tipped with poison

I don't know how to love and if that ain't bad enough, I couldn't care less
Am I damned or am I blessed with a heartless heart?

I hiss cuz I am displeased, snarled in a makeshift leash- skeins of pink satin ribbon
I growl cuz I am weary, fending off sweaty lion-tamers, mock-hero impersonators

I don't know how to love and if that ain't bad enough I couldn't care less
Am I damned or am I blessed with a heartless heart?

Strangers and guitars, it's always bloodlust and  tin stars
Strangers and guitars, it's always bloodlust and  tin stars
Bloodlust and  tin stars, bloodlust and  tin stars, bloodlust and  tin stars

I don't know how to love and if that ain't bad enough I couldn't care less
Am I damned or am I blessed with a heartless heart?