Snow Globe (version 2)

the plastic landscape
of painted faces
no lungs expand
no pulse point races

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside it's snowing

motionless bodies
and sightless glances
no voices call
no heart beat dances

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside, outside
it's really snowing

Not Today

there's a brave face to put on
in the mornings, check the mirror
and I glimpse its strangeness
in passing, in subways, in windows

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

run out of the buildings in the arms of
the bitter sun, the burning sky
collapse on the grass in central park
in this ugly, lovely city

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

not today
today belongs to me

Lifeline

I take a deep breath but I can't relax
I can't laugh carelessly with this devil on my back

there's always that call, that voice on the end of the line
saying tell me it'll be ok, and I say it will be fine
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

I can't forget, the thoughts that haunt my mind
shadows race after me, I can't leave them behind

there's always that call, that voice at the end of the line
I'm keeping them afloat, my words are a lifeline
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

your name

your name is a haiku
when I say it five, seven, five times
each letter holds a bit of you
the curve of your chin when
sunlight slides through the blinds
and the golden stripes ride your skin

your name is a mystery
the solution is on my tongue
each letter reminds me of you
the gleam in your eye when
you scan concealed horizons
that you're planning to reveal

your name is a blanket
it's warm when I'm wrapped inside
each letter makes me think of you
the arch of your smile when
it spreads slowly, knowingly
and then decides to stay awhile

Parasites

I was curious so I split my fingernails
trying to pry up that loose stone
my hands were caked with dirt
I wiped them on my new white shirt
and peered at the creature stirring in the loam

half pity, half disgust
we are not the same, but you are one of us
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
I've ever heard, I've ever seen

I struggle with the urge to rub you out in the dirt
with my old mary janes, the sole is splitting
why did I pick up that rock? I knew you'd be underneath
with your big eyes, and white legs burrowing

I am far away from the world you live in
the tunnels, the circles- it's mindless but it means something

who am I to feel repulsed or superior?
I've got my own mountain to lie under
with my big eyes and white legs
burrowing, tunneling
oh why? say it's not for nothing

god, don't you crush me
while I'm still trying for a way out
god, don't you crush me

though I am a parasite
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
you've ever seen
I've still got to find something
burrowing a tunnel to the burning sun

The Weather

You seem set on eroding my trust
On battering my mountain down to a pile of dust
I lie pliant as you pound me until nothing's left
Your face grieves for my loss, then laughs at the theft

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

You seem hell-bent on breaking my will
Holding down my fluttering heart till it lies still
I welcome your claws as they slowly sink inside
Your smile keeps your secrets but your eyes reveal the lie

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

I am ageless and tired
I've lived the same life
A thousand cycles now
You want to be the weather
but your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent

City / Country

The sky is turning grey as I walk down 4th avenue
but it’s blue above the highway, looming above the roofs
and the statue with her green arms and gold flame is standing guard
How can it be so beautiful and so hard?

I thought of moving to the country when I missed the hills
and the sky spangled with stars, the creek’s ripples and rills
to walk along the old rail trail under a green canopy
to disappear slowly and quietly

But I took the G train north on Sunday to see a show
and I sat at the bar, in the candlelight glow
Heard the voices and the guitars bleeding out their tones
This place is so foreign but it feels like home

The rain fell on my face this morning in Manhattan
I’d forgotten my umbrella but I didn’t care
I straightened my shoulders and waited for the light to change
And thought, "I’m really happy to be here"

It gives

I keep running up against the wall
Like this time it will change, like this time it won't be there at all
And it leaves
red grit and blue bruises
but it never gives
Then I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

I hate the way hope makes me hold up my head
When I know it will betray me, it will slay me and leave me for dead
It leaves
gray doubts and yellow scars
but it never gives
Til I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

The wind tells me to smile, this is for the best
Don't fret for what you can't have, put aside your unrest
And it leaves
pink cheeks and pale skin
and it begins to give me
The strength I need to give in and begin to let you go

the geometry of a heavy heart

I can fit the puzzle pieces together without a picture
I can solve equations with letters representing the numbers
I can draw us as two points, measure out the line
Plot our position through space and time
But I can’t find a way to chart the geometry of a heavy heart

I can sketch the pattern of stars in the heavens, a perfect replication
I can still remember your depth and dimension without hesitation
I can map the site where our paths meet
And guess at the angle of our defeat
But even Euclid and Descartes can't solve the geometry of a heavy heart

I can rewrite the rules till our problems are solved
I can fake the proofs till you don't trust me at all
And it all just falls apart with the geometry of a heavy heart

Foolish Dream

I can’t explain why I do what I do
I wake up from dreaming with music in my head
I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through

Maybe you want to make loads of money
Your face on glossy pages, your voice on the radio
I just want to survive the only way I know how
You can keep the fortune, honey

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

The thing I do, I know it doesn’t make sense
I could take the easy road to a charmed life
But I’ll never belong with the successful and strong
I just want to pay my rent

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through... foolish dream

Lighthouse Keeper

We talk oceans into being between us
with stinging words that taste of salt and rust
then you climb the winding stair, up to the mirror
watch your breath form a mist and let it clear
snuff out the little flame and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

I am a vessel on the sand, stranded and dry
said you can’t give me what I need, but you didn’t try
I will track my sightless path across the fathomless span
I will make my way alone just to prove that I can
keep your little flame, and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

Mayday

I know what I'm doing, I won't get hurt
Walk off with my heart and I'll steal the shirt
Off your back, look behind and I'll laugh
I'll beat you in the end. Baby, pretend

It's mayday, mayday

Baby pretend
I'm your friend, the jukebox charlatan
quarter for my dreams, dollar for my skin
for all these things that roll into and out of my head
Like it never happened. Baby, say when

It's mayday, mayday

Baby, say when
I can stop tiptoeing around what I want to say
Rehearsing the lines to my own play
It might be ok to soften in the sun, a little
Then you'll understand.
Baby, take my hand, it's mayday.

it's mayday.

Broken Thing

When I couldn't take it anymore
I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door
and think of the choices before me
what the cabinet holds
but I always did as I was told
am I a broken thing?

When the fight began I had nowhere to go
so I closed my eyes and turned up the stereo
The way a voice can tell stories
it's not supposed to tell
I keep my secrets and keep them well
am I a broken thing?

But I pretend everything's ok
the bruises are under my clothes
and only the mirror knows
am i a broken thing?

Atlas Shrugged

I'm at the dead-end street
I'm in the darkened alley
It's like it's calling for me
It's like I know it wants me

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

I buy human misery
For two new shiny quarters
Ink runs in the rain
My hands are black and stained

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

There's no escape,
no escape

joyfully

Cloud shadow runs over my skin
The world is racing by
I tremble like a leaf on the branch
With the next wind's breath
I'll spin into the unknown
Joyfully

So I'm not a green and tender thing
My color bursts forth
And I couldn't ride the wind like this
When I was young and afraid
Now I open my arms
Joyfully

I fall for the golden lazy boy
The liquid autumn sun
His kiss still burns on my brow
Even after he sinks below
I follow him down
Into the unknown
With open arms
Joyfully

shoulders dream

i'm waiting for your words to speak to me
while doubting the existence
the wordless language of hands and eyes

so i spend my time gathering fragments
trying to form an image out of dust
until i feel the weariness creep into my blood

i want to let go, but i can't

i find comfort in the angles and distance
doubt becomes a heady drug
the way to avoid opening myself to anyone

i want it this way, the utter quiet
though sometimes, late, my shoulders sigh
with their own dream of leaning on someone

i want to let go, but i can't

i've taken it too far now
you have to knock before i can invite you inside
and let go

snow globe

i'm afraid of the frozen landscape
the friendly mouths are stretched too wide
like wolves and crocodiles
smiling out from civilian eyes

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

i'm afraid of the motionless residents
welcoming arms stretched out too wide
like sea urchins and anemones
patiently waiting for prey to arrive

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

caught on this day in a chemical mold
this place is a pretty prison
i want to smash the walls of glass in
to free the mix of water and ash

but i know
nobody wants this but me
they want to stay in the fake snow
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
outside it's snowing real snow

the damaged part

fingers meshed between a chain link fence
i want what i see lying just beyond my grasp
Brooklyn with your rain-lashed face
streaked with tail lights smudge
i don't care how cold you get
i'll walk your streets all night

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

fingers tracing concrete graffiti scars
the Braille your history is written in
stories vibrate through my skin
in snapshot moments i never lived
wandering where the wind leads
this is what i need, sleep can wait

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
please don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

Vinyl

in the wee hours my thoughts revolve
my eyes run the record groove
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it scratching, scratching
my thoughts revolve
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

on an endless night i turn the volume up
my voice crackles, warm vinyl
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it grinding, grinding
turn the volume up
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

forbidden door

behind the forbidden door
i hear the click of claw on floor
panting breath and blood-spill lust
my palms sweat and my mouth tastes of dust

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

all of us have a secret room
where horrors crawl and terrors bloom
we lock the door and pretend not to know
the things that we left to ripen below

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down