Broken Rosary

where were you when she was drinking too much
in the middle of town, we were afraid that she'd pass out
they poured water on her head until the ambulance came
and i watched through the car window as they rushed her away

we believed, we believed

where were you when he was suffering
he could barely speak but he knew he had to feed her
they hung him out the window by two little feet
and when he played make believe everyone was falling

we believed, we believed

we will be ok, ok, ok
at least, that's what we'd always say

where were you when she tore up her skin
and crippled the hand she used to paint with
when she crashed her car into a wall on purpose
she always walked away with new scratches

but we believed, we believed, we believed

SunStorm

This morning's rain is clinging to my blue coat
it still lays in glistening lines on the highway outside my window
the sound of turning wheels whispers a siren call
the warning bell sounds again and I don't mind it at all

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

You rise like the sun scattering the clouds
I wanna lay in your warmth and hear you say my name out loud
but when the clouds roll in I want electricity crackling on my skin
the thunder and the lightning to strike me again and again

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?
This is all my fault but I can't change who I am
and that's how the story ends
that's how the story ends

Everything is as It Should Be

The summer sky fades into a warm haze
The water’s dark but the city’s ablaze
When I think of all I’ve got, I am blessed and I'm amazed
Finally everything is as it should be

I sing out loud when I walk down the street
I talk with my hands and I waltz with my feet
Maybe I’m the craziest girl you’ll ever meet
But finally everything is as it should be

The darkness crouches like a hungry beast
And sometimes it pounces, sometimes it feasts
Despite our struggles we sometimes taste defeat
But when we win it makes our victories taste so much more sweet

I love to sit at this copper-lined bar
And watch my friend strum a beat-up guitar
We forget what we’ve done, we forgive who we are
Cuz finally everything is as it should be

Trash and Blossoms

I stood on the sidewalk and watched the wind turn
trash and blossoms into a living collage
the Brooklyn streets are dressed up like a fairy tale movie set
graffitied by some kid cuz it looked too perfect to stay untouched

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

I take all the strength inside me and pour it out
without thinking how I'll survive
iron leaches from my skin, I'm left standing in porcelain
waiting for someone to break me so I'll know that I'm alive

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

my jaw ached this morning, clenched up while I was dreaming
and the sun whispered me awake to the sound of traffic singing
I have nothing beyond today, no past or future bar my way
the chaos of these contradictions is all that brings me faith

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

The Dream has Changed

They say this house isn’t yours anymore
Where you measured your kids and played games of Risk on the floor
There’s a sign on your lawn and your life’s been boxed away
So people can buy all your hopes, now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

You lie awake at night running a recount in your head
The money just isn’t there no matter how late you toss in your bed
The morning’s coming, a mixed blessing of relief and dread
What will you tell the ones you love? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

In the morning you watch the market edge a little lower
Finish “The Grapes of Wrath” and wonder if we’re going under
You bet the last of your faith on this year's election
Are we too late to be saved? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

Rush Hour

I swore not to hold the elevator anymore
for the people getting off on the second floor
'cuz when they see that I'm coming
they smile and press the button
to close the doors

A myriad of petty little things
build up each day until I want to scream
so I sigh and mutter expletives
if it doesn't kill me, I guess I'll live
hey I can dream

Instead I'm gonna smile at everyone
even when my coffee burns my tongue
and pedestrians push me out of their way
I won't let it wreck my day
I'll listen to the buskers play
donate my last twenty to a bum

Then I'm gonna make you all into my band
If you can't play guitar you can clap your hands
we'll go walking down the streets
a parade of misfits with damaged beats
until the neighbors stomp their feet
on a day so fair and yet so fleet
we'll sing until we can't stand

You Don't Want to Taste My Heart

I reached through my own skin
Deep between my lungs and ribs
I fought to hold my heart down
Until it stopped struggling

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to hurt myself again

You don't want to taste my heart
You don't want the band-aid off
But I can't stop the flow of blood
til it pours out in a flash flood

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to crush myself again

You think I shut the deluge down
When I chatter and I play the clown
But the fall just takes another form
I lie in the center of the storm

I can only be free when I sing
I'm only free when I sing

The Travelers

I don't know why I get up each day
and pick up my guitar and start to play
pin down my thoughts so they don't slip away
then bite my tongue like I've got nothing to say

I forget where I am
which country, which continent
all the places I long for but have never been

I guess you're the only one who understands
with no promises and no demands
Let's just run away while we still can
It's not too late, give me your hand

We could drive off and drift around
Playing songs in little beat up towns
For tips and free beer and a place to lay down
Then off to the next one, till the money runs out

I forget where I am
which country, which continent
all the places I long for but have never been

I guess you're the only one who understands
with no promises and no demands
Let's just run away while we still can
It's not too late, give me your hand

Snow Globe (version 2)

the plastic landscape
of painted faces
no lungs expand
no pulse point races

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside it's snowing

motionless bodies
and sightless glances
no voices call
no heart beat dances

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside, outside
it's really snowing

Not Today

there's a brave face to put on
in the mornings, check the mirror
and I glimpse its strangeness
in passing, in subways, in windows

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

run out of the buildings in the arms of
the bitter sun, the burning sky
collapse on the grass in central park
in this ugly, lovely city

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

not today
today belongs to me

Lifeline

I take a deep breath but I can't relax
I can't laugh carelessly with this devil on my back

there's always that call, that voice on the end of the line
saying tell me it'll be ok, and I say it will be fine
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

I can't forget, the thoughts that haunt my mind
shadows race after me, I can't leave them behind

there's always that call, that voice at the end of the line
I'm keeping them afloat, my words are a lifeline
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

your name

your name is a haiku
when I say it five, seven, five times
each letter holds a bit of you
the curve of your chin when
sunlight slides through the blinds
and the golden stripes ride your skin

your name is a mystery
the solution is on my tongue
each letter reminds me of you
the gleam in your eye when
you scan concealed horizons
that you're planning to reveal

your name is a blanket
it's warm when I'm wrapped inside
each letter makes me think of you
the arch of your smile when
it spreads slowly, knowingly
and then decides to stay awhile

Parasites

I was curious so I split my fingernails
trying to pry up that loose stone
my hands were caked with dirt
I wiped them on my new white shirt
and peered at the creature stirring in the loam

half pity, half disgust
we are not the same, but you are one of us
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
I've ever heard, I've ever seen

I struggle with the urge to rub you out in the dirt
with my old mary janes, the sole is splitting
why did I pick up that rock? I knew you'd be underneath
with your big eyes, and white legs burrowing

I am far away from the world you live in
the tunnels, the circles- it's mindless but it means something

who am I to feel repulsed or superior?
I've got my own mountain to lie under
with my big eyes and white legs
burrowing, tunneling
oh why? say it's not for nothing

god, don't you crush me
while I'm still trying for a way out
god, don't you crush me

though I am a parasite
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
you've ever seen
I've still got to find something
burrowing a tunnel to the burning sun

The Weather

You seem set on eroding my trust
On battering my mountain down to a pile of dust
I lie pliant as you pound me until nothing's left
Your face grieves for my loss, then laughs at the theft

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

You seem hell-bent on breaking my will
Holding down my fluttering heart till it lies still
I welcome your claws as they slowly sink inside
Your smile keeps your secrets but your eyes reveal the lie

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

I am ageless and tired
I've lived the same life
A thousand cycles now
You want to be the weather
but your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent

City / Country

The sky is turning grey as I walk down 4th avenue
but it’s blue above the highway, looming above the roofs
and the statue with her green arms and gold flame is standing guard
How can it be so beautiful and so hard?

I thought of moving to the country when I missed the hills
and the sky spangled with stars, the creek’s ripples and rills
to walk along the old rail trail under a green canopy
to disappear slowly and quietly

But I took the G train north on Sunday to see a show
and I sat at the bar, in the candlelight glow
Heard the voices and the guitars bleeding out their tones
This place is so foreign but it feels like home

The rain fell on my face this morning in Manhattan
I’d forgotten my umbrella but I didn’t care
I straightened my shoulders and waited for the light to change
And thought, "I’m really happy to be here"

It gives

I keep running up against the wall
Like this time it will change, like this time it won't be there at all
And it leaves
red grit and blue bruises
but it never gives
Then I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

I hate the way hope makes me hold up my head
When I know it will betray me, it will slay me and leave me for dead
It leaves
gray doubts and yellow scars
but it never gives
Til I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

The wind tells me to smile, this is for the best
Don't fret for what you can't have, put aside your unrest
And it leaves
pink cheeks and pale skin
and it begins to give me
The strength I need to give in and begin to let you go

the geometry of a heavy heart

I can fit the puzzle pieces together without a picture
I can solve equations with letters representing the numbers
I can draw us as two points, measure out the line
Plot our position through space and time
But I can’t find a way to chart the geometry of a heavy heart

I can sketch the pattern of stars in the heavens, a perfect replication
I can still remember your depth and dimension without hesitation
I can map the site where our paths meet
And guess at the angle of our defeat
But even Euclid and Descartes can't solve the geometry of a heavy heart

I can rewrite the rules till our problems are solved
I can fake the proofs till you don't trust me at all
And it all just falls apart with the geometry of a heavy heart

Foolish Dream

I can’t explain why I do what I do
I wake up from dreaming with music in my head
I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through

Maybe you want to make loads of money
Your face on glossy pages, your voice on the radio
I just want to survive the only way I know how
You can keep the fortune, honey

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

The thing I do, I know it doesn’t make sense
I could take the easy road to a charmed life
But I’ll never belong with the successful and strong
I just want to pay my rent

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through... foolish dream

Lighthouse Keeper

We talk oceans into being between us
with stinging words that taste of salt and rust
then you climb the winding stair, up to the mirror
watch your breath form a mist and let it clear
snuff out the little flame and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

I am a vessel on the sand, stranded and dry
said you can’t give me what I need, but you didn’t try
I will track my sightless path across the fathomless span
I will make my way alone just to prove that I can
keep your little flame, and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

Mayday

I know what I'm doing, I won't get hurt
Walk off with my heart and I'll steal the shirt
Off your back, look behind and I'll laugh
I'll beat you in the end. Baby, pretend

It's mayday, mayday

Baby pretend
I'm your friend, the jukebox charlatan
quarter for my dreams, dollar for my skin
for all these things that roll into and out of my head
Like it never happened. Baby, say when

It's mayday, mayday

Baby, say when
I can stop tiptoeing around what I want to say
Rehearsing the lines to my own play
It might be ok to soften in the sun, a little
Then you'll understand.
Baby, take my hand, it's mayday.

it's mayday.