the damaged part

fingers meshed between a chain link fence
i want what i see lying just beyond my grasp
Brooklyn with your rain-lashed face
streaked with tail lights smudge
i don't care how cold you get
i'll walk your streets all night

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

fingers tracing concrete graffiti scars
the Braille your history is written in
stories vibrate through my skin
in snapshot moments i never lived
wandering where the wind leads
this is what i need, sleep can wait

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
please don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

Vinyl

in the wee hours my thoughts revolve
my eyes run the record groove
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it scratching, scratching
my thoughts revolve
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

on an endless night i turn the volume up
my voice crackles, warm vinyl
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it grinding, grinding
turn the volume up
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

forbidden door

behind the forbidden door
i hear the click of claw on floor
panting breath and blood-spill lust
my palms sweat and my mouth tastes of dust

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

all of us have a secret room
where horrors crawl and terrors bloom
we lock the door and pretend not to know
the things that we left to ripen below

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

Freedom

everyday it's the same old day
all the people pushing each other out of the way
to get where they don't want to be in the first place
to get the money to buy the things they don't need to fill the empty space
to replace dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

i get lost in the crowd, i lose my way
they taught me if i want to get somewhere
i've got to take and take and take
till the weaker ones break beneath me
i've lost my sense of sound and sight and touch and taste
i replace my dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences

you're the dog

let me strain at the end of my chain
run the wide circle, i wear it down
to a rutted hollow in the ground
don't take the collar off

i'm a hound hungry for a bone
to hoard and bury in fertile black soil
the dark womb, my plot takes root
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

let me run till i'm yanked off my feet
scrape off the skin and bloody my chin
test the limits with lunatic insistence
don't take the collar off

i'm a mongrel lusting for strangers
to rend and tear, they dared liberation
while i am in ruins pacing the boundary
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

Papers and Magazines

remember when we couldn't sleep
cuz the nightmares were real and their shadows stretched deep
I'd say think of a beautiful dream

we'd get together when we got older
you said I was your savior but you were my shoulder
and we shared the myths of the past

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

remember when I met you at the train
we drank beer on my stoop without saying a thing
then we both laughed and took a breath

we were naïve and broken and sad
i still thought i could save the world when it went bad

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

but if you need to breathe I will help you to breathe
if you need to believe I will help you to believe
if you need to break free I will help you to break free
'cuz you always did the same for me
you always did the same for me

needles and spines

when i was a kid you would drive and i'd hold the map upside down
then we'd get lost but you'd never get mad, you'd laugh and kiss me on the crown
and say, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but people are puzzles with signs and symbols that i can't decipher

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

when i was a kid i reached for the burner, you grabbed my hands and pulled me away
but i had to touch it, i kept reaching out, i had to learn the meaning of pain
you said, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but i still see it brighten and beckon so i reach for the fire

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the world quivers with needles and spines
the glint of poison leaves my hypnotized
and crawls into the whorls and ravines
i wanna taste it, even if it kills me

even if it's wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the inevitable

here i am again in a cab from manhattan
leaving the city for the quiet of brooklyn
and the city lights look like a fairy kingdom
reflected in the river's dark oblivion

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

would be easy to give in after everything that's been
but how could i begin? should i shuffle and flinch
when i remember standing straight and proud
with heart unshackled, head unbowed

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

if this is the price i will pay it
if this is the command i will obey it
if no one understands i will believe it
the light is in my hands
i can feel it
i can see it

always there when i come home

the lost gospel of judas

i'm not surprised anymore
i don't feel a shock when you show up at my door
with a story full of holes
that we've both chosen to ignore
the robes that we are rolling for

how can i trust anyone when i already know how this ends?
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
betrayal's never welcome on your lips
and hearts never get easier to mend

i feel a rush of relief
to stop defending my position and suspending disbelief
at the guilt you evince
with a cringe and a wince
the olive branch dressed in a fig leaf

how can i trust anyone when i already know how this ends?
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
betrayal's never welcome on your lips
and hearts never get easier to mend

let's not dance around sincerity again when we already know how this will end
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
i can smell the snow on your breath
and hearts never get easier to mend

examination table

why do i open wide
when they say
'stick out your tongue
let me probe inside
and tell me if you feel something'?

why do i take it lying down
when they say
'give me your clothes
put on this hospital gown
don't worry, you won't feel a thing'?

why do i lower my head
when they say
'be a good girl
and do as i have said
let me handle everything'?

why do i hold so still
when they say
'take a deep breath
this might feel a little chill
but it's most likely nothing'?

if i am sick, it's from the terror in your eyes
the awe in which you hold the splendor of your lies

why do i lower my head?

air

spend all my time
erecting fortifications
fingers to the dam
pacing the widows walk

but you lift me out of my skin
and i want to come
up for air
i can't breathe for long
out of the water
but i will meet you there

spend countless hours
shaping paper masks
shrug like atlas
waiting for the ship that won't come in

but you lift me out of my skin
and i want to come
up for air
i can't breathe for long
out of the water
but i will meet you there

i always feel so empty when it's over

shoot for the moon
bring it down like snow
and when it falls for a beat, a breath
i'll wear its glow

pluck out the stars
pin 'em in my eyes
before they wither like wildflowers
i'll tell their lives

oh
i wonder everyone doesn't know
when the music's finished playing
when streamers cover the floor
i'm still dancing slow

but i always feel so empty when it's over

shake all the planets
till orbits realign
in the aftermath i will shiver, laugh
and say, 'you were mine'

remember the moon
the veil of misty white
will cling to my clothes, melt in my hair
when we kiss goodnight

oh
i wonder everyone doesn't know
when the music's finished playing
when streamers cover the floor
i'm still dancing slow

but i always feel so empty when it's over

there's something beautiful in us

i'll tell you what i see in the way you look at me
i see your eyes hold the key to my destruction

i've done this before and i'll do it evermore
miss the warning signs, but step back in time to change direction

i want to believe there's something beautiful in us
i want to believe that we can change, that we can leave behind our selfish ways
i want to believe

but i've got to find my way alone
no one can help me with this

i don't say a word cuz my meaning goes unheard
i spin my stories out for strangers with hearts to listen
i can't entertain, i can't play the pointless games
that everyone is forced to play until they become an addiction

i want to believe there's something beautiful in us
i want to believe that we can change, that we can leave behind our selfish ways
i want to believe

but i've got to find my way alone
no one can help me with this

artificial life

yes i bruise, and sometimes i bleed
but i am wild & wicked & free
don't pin your crimes on a broken heart
then ask me to quietly play the part
you set for me

you don't want me to survive
when you are withered and dead
it makes you feel alive to think
that you are the air keeping me alive
when you are withered and dead
you don't want me to survive

yes i bruise, and sometimes i break
but i am color & light & grace
don't throw a challenge at my feet
then ask me to bow my head in defeat
without a fight

you don't want me to survive
when you are withered and dead
it makes you feel alive to think
that you are the air keeping me alive
when you are withered and dead
you don't want me to survive

unless i embrace the shape of your lies
your artificial life

ghost story

the cold, hard facts are twisted like taffy
open wide for sugared strands of corruption
pulsing cavities hint at self-destruction
in the afterimage of chemical brightened smiles

let me take this out of context with canvas and oil
will you stay the course, seeing what you want to see?
while i paint the landscape in distorted hues
pulled from the palette of our modern prophets

fabricated threats and dire warnings
are monsters under the bed, eating up our hopes
once upon a time there was nothing to fear
but now the closet rattles with mushroom clouds

i choose not to eat the witch's poisoned apple
to sleep while toyed with by puppetmasters
or wait for a hero's strength to rescue me
from a death i welcomed into my own sacred body

let me take this out of context with paper and pen
will you stay the course, hearing what you want to hear?
while i walk you through this disturbing landscape
of past truths erased by ever-present lies

red riding hood

i try to figure out what's wrong with all of us
and why we try to solve our problems with some bullets and a gun
why would you want to hurt someone
even if you've been hurt in the past?
what makes someone hurt someone?
i'm half-afraid to ask

in a world full of wolves maybe i'm just a little girl
instead of the sharp teeth and set jaw, i see a smile curl
why would someone want to hurt me?
i've been through enough in this life
we're all left nursing our own pain
whether it comes from a word or a hand or a knife

we pivot around the sound of those who scream loudest
and i feel my whisper's lost, another useless protest
but i was born a stubborn fool
i'm at the mercy of my heart
and it tells me to struggle and hope and love
even when this life rips me apart

maybe i'm just a little girl and you laugh at me under your hand
i will bring you the flowers i picked in the shadow of the mountain
and if you want you can trample them
but it's all i have to give
i'm going to struggle and hope and love
as long as this world lets me live

i'm going to struggle and hope and love
as long as this world lets me live

the monotony of rising and falling

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the bustle and clamor
don't come knocking if you want something
i won't answer no matter how you hammer

not gonna think about the last time i screwed up
or the last time i saw you, or the last thing you said
will put on my headphones, fill up some pages
empty my bruised heart and clear my stubborn head

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the climbing and crawling
don't come knocking if you want something
to break the monotony of rising and falling

i choose to walk where others see a wasteland
and i embrace it and i kiss the thorny soil
the spirit comes and raises my chin
oh destiny, i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
going away

Red Ballpoint Pen

five seconds, i'll lay my soul bare
bask in the phosphor heat
the spark, the hush, the crackle, the flare
i promise to stay incomplete
flickering to nothing but ash
my love burns hot, and it burns out so fast
it burns out so fast but tomorrow i won't care

three minutes, i'll drown in your eyes
touch the sweet cup to my lips
the rose, the blush, the body, the light
i'm forcing my own eclipse
holding on to an empty glass
my love intoxicates, but it never lasts
it never lasts and tomorrow i'll swallow new lies

one night, i'll laugh at this madness
curled up tight in a chair

the pride, the penance, the waste, the sadness
i've seen more truth now than i can bear
scribbling with a red ballpoint pen
my love's an addiction, i'll taste it again
i'll taste it again, and tomorrow i know i'll be glad

poker face

if actions speak louder than words
then i never speak at all
the money's down, bluff's been called
let the chips fall where they may

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

i'm compulsive, pour me a drink
i'll either be happy or sad
when the sun's comin up and my wallet's lost
yeah i've been had or so they say

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

Suppose

You all get married young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose it's brought you happiness too? I suppose no one's happier than you

You're having babies young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you've matured too? I suppose you'll raise 'em just like you

I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but I'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

You all go to church on sundays cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose those people in the church love you? I suppose you love those people too

You all talk about your god cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you preach what you practice too? I suppose no one's holier than you

but I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but i'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

I take communion with a steaming loaf of bread and red wine
in the back of the bar with my friends at closing time

and we never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
we were never satisfied to live our lives just like everyone else
and music is the secret we share among ourselves

our cups run over and spill on the floor
we've stayed up too late, let's just sing one more
all of us broken and used, lost and confused
and we might break ourselves but we'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf