Eggshell Heart

Eggshell Heart has moved!

2010-05-24T14:45:00.000-04:00

If you are looking for Jessi Robertson's lyric blog, Eggshell Heart, it can now be found here http://drawingprettythings.com/blog/.

This blog will stay up indefinitely but to view lyrics by album and more visit the new blog site http://drawingprettythings.com/blog/.

It's Always Raining

2010-05-19T11:05:00.000-04:00

It was raining, it was raining
I forgot to wear my coat
Then I was swimming, I was swimming
in the water without a boat

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I'm drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You're the only thing I want to hold on to

I can't fight it, I can't fight it
It's either sink or float
So I embrace it, I embrace it
Though the water's at my throat

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I'm drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You're the only thing I want to hold on to

Without a cloud in the sky I feel the flood begin to rise
No use asking why it's always raining when the sun's in my eyes

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I'm drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You're the only thing I want to hold on to

Whiskey and Cigarettes

2010-04-16T16:17:00.002-04:00

A real woman drinks whiskey and smokes cigarettes
Until the room's spinning she feels no regrets
And come closing time, she'll meet the night alone
A real woman don't need a man to walk her home

You ask if she's lonely, she says, "Not for one minute.
I strangled trouble before you could begin it."
You don't understand her and how distant she gets
When she drinks her whiskey and smokes those cigarettes

She gets under your skin and stays there somehow
You cannot possess her, but you can hold her for now
She'll leave you with questions, she'll leave you with regret
One day she'll just leave you even though you can't see it yet

Cuz a real woman don't need anyone's help getting home
A real woman don't feel lonely even when she's alone
A real woman conquers you and then quickly forgets
A real woman drinks whiskey and smokes cigarettes

Spring Thaw / Volcano

2010-03-19T14:57:00.000-04:00

All things are boiling up
in a red, messy inverted cup
The heat melts all of my stone
I don't know how to live in this skin and bone

I don't want to thaw out, I like the desert and the drought
I want to be cliff's edge hard, I want to be glacier scarred

But I don't want to thaw out
because I don't remember
how to live
in this
skin and bone

When ciphers come spilling down
in molten waves from my crown
I feel the first shiver in stone
I don't know how to live in this skin and bone

I don't want to thaw out, I like the darkness and doubt
I want to be ice storm gray, I want to be a winter's day

But I don't want to thaw out
because I don't remember
how to live
in this
skin and bone

Broken Soldiers

2010-02-17T13:52:00.002-05:00

When I was bright and new
I volunteered to keep watch over you
and when you sent me far from all I know
I thought of you waiting for me when I get home
if I get home

When it was over you didn't want to play
with the toy soldiers you refuse to put away
I risked my body, I spilled my blood
All I'm asking you is just come pick me up
come pick me up

Now I'm broken and used
I feel forgotten, abandoned and bruised
After all I gave for you, what I endured
You said, I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore
I can't see you

When it was over you didn't want to play
with the toy soldiers you refuse to put away
I risked my body, I spilled my blood
All I'm asking you is just come pick me up
come pick me up

Never Let Them See You Cry

2010-02-17T13:51:00.001-05:00

Bullets and stones may break your bones
And names may be tattooed on your skin
They say that all wounds will heal in time
Whether the cause lies without or within

Your body is a road map of all the places you have seen
You should be proud of the fault lines and the ravines
You’ve been battered and scarred, you’re not afraid to die
But you never let them see you cry
You never let them see you cry

You’re flesh and blood, you’re skin and bone
But your spine is iron, your will is steel
They say that idle hands are the devil’s tools
So you use them to distract yourself from what you feel

Your body is a road map of all the places you have seen
You should be proud of the fault lines and the ravines
You’ve been battered and scarred, you’re not afraid to die
But you never let them see you cry
You never let them see you cry

Please Stand Down

2010-01-26T12:14:00.000-05:00

I don't see no savior here
So I tried to grow an olive tree
Your soil may be hard and mean
If you are tainted just come clean
Together we could change the Fates decree

I don't see no savior here
Maybe it's too late to change anything
I said, please stand down
Give up your weapons and your crowns
But they said somebody has got to be the king

I don't see no savior here
Just survivors, directionless and scared
And we're all clinging to these creeds
To justify our words and deeds
I hope someday our ravages can be repaired

All we've got are these small hands and these big thoughts
The people we have loved and lost and fought
The hopes we laid to rest, the dreams we sought
Give up your weapons and your crowns
Please stand down

You and Me

2010-01-26T12:13:00.001-05:00

We walk in shadow, we walk in light
and what's to become of us?
There may not be another tomorrow or tonight
so why do we spend today on the same old fight?

The moon turns red, the sun grows weak
and it breaks our hearts
Can't look at what's looming above or what's beneath
So where do we turn when the earth shudders under our feet?

don't stop now, we've only just begun
don't stop now, we thought we were so young
but you and me, while we can sing and we can breathe
there's still time to believe in something
and I believe in you and me

We walk in shadow, we walk in light
and we risk it all
Within our fragile bodies beat the fiercest hearts
we fit the pieces together when the world falls apart

don't stop now, we've only just begun
don't stop now, we thought we were so young
but you and me, while we can sing and we can breathe
there's still time to believe in something
and I believe in you and me
I believe in you and me

Coal

2010-01-15T12:01:00.002-05:00

Some people take their sorrow and wear it like a necklace
Of black coal, it gets all over their skin and clothes
Some people chew it up for breakfast
and it clings to their teeth, it stings and it shows

But I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they're beautiful
I press down, I press down

Some people take their hurt and use it like ammunition
A pocket full of stones, throw one without looking
Where it lands, let it loose and someone else is down
Feel better with another body lying on the ground

But I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they're beautiful
I press down, I press down

My hands are covered in old scars, cut all to ribbons
I find new ways to smile and hide them
When I'm tired, I take a deep breath and stand a bit straighter
I pretend, but I don't break and I don't bend, nothing can make me change

I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they're beautiful
I press down, I press down

Don't Come in Here

2009-12-14T17:37:00.005-05:00

I know the lock won't hold
I could pry it open with a butter knife
and the door's only a cheap piece of plywood
but I still get the urge to check it twice

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don't come in here
please just don't come in here

I drew on the wall in black ink
A caricature saying, "happy holiday"
Then I drew all over my arms and legs
It's permanent but it washes away

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don't come in here
please just don't come in here

I never wore a cap and a gown
They said I'd never get out of this town
But I defied everyone
I always knew how to hide, then I learned how to run

So I don't have to sit on the floor with my back against the door
Trying to disappear, please just don't come in here
please just don't come in here
just don't come in here

Half Moon

2009-10-30T13:58:00.002-04:00

Half-circle moons glow in my palms
The mark will fade if that’s what I want
But I need it to conjure your trembling ghost
You’re still the drug I crave the most

You meant well, yeah you meant for good
But it all turned to shit like we knew it would
Now I can’t see your eyes or taste your lips
Your moon killed my sun in a noiseless eclipse

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
but we all lie to hide what we cannot show

I feel my body break away from me
Fragments spinning out without gravity
In the stereo static I can’t be read
I tried to laugh but I screamed instead

You put me together, you pulled me apart
You cradled my head, you buried my heart
The day was too long but it ended too soon
My sun wastes away in the glow of your moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

So I straighten my shoulders and hold up my head
Pour out my wine and break my bread
I wanted to walk but I danced instead
Under the half-moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

Airplanes

2009-09-10T21:33:00.004-04:00

the airplanes fly overhead all night
I wish I was on one, on any flight
this is not the way that I imagined my life
so take me far away from it tonight

I can't afford a ticket anyway
and I'm afraid of crashing so I end up praying
even though I don't believe in anything
except this dream of getting far away

get up, shower, brush your teeth
find some clothes, walk to the subway
ride to manhattan, go to work,
do your job, then catch the subway home
try to relax and sleep, try to relax and sleep
and listen enviously to the airplanes that you'll never ride on
flying over Brooklyn all night, endlessly
goodnight

Rein Me In

2009-09-10T21:29:00.001-04:00

I'm all passion and no sense
leave the gate open while mending the fence
won't take the bit at my own expense
who's gonna rein me in

I think too much so I hold my tongue
You already caught me, that's when I start to run
Broke the bridle when I was young
who's gonna rein me in

I hold myself so still
While I detonate inside
In the aftershock I'm surprised you don't see
The flames flowering in my eyes

But I smile brightly while I'm bleeding
My mind is stern, but my eyes are pleading
without a bridle, without a bit
who's gonna rein me in

Panic

2009-09-10T21:21:00.002-04:00

something's wrong with me, i don't want, i don't want to think
but i can't stop, i can't stop circling these well-worn thoughts
i should be asleep right now, right now but i can't, i can't rest
i dread tonight, i dread tomorrow, and all the rest

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling
on repeat

something's wrong with me, i go white, i go white sometimes
without warning, i have to leave, i have to leave the room
i can't breathe, i can't, and i'm shaking and shaking
oh you stole my joy, my song, my dream, my everything

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling
on repeat

they say don't talk about it
don't talk about it
don't talk about it
just keep quiet

what's happening to me?
i can't find any peace
and the noise, the noise, the noise is deafening
what's happening to me?
there is no relief
and the noise, the noise, the noise is cycling

Small Town Girls

2009-09-10T21:18:00.007-04:00

When things got bad I'd sneak away with a book
Or scribble poems laced with blood and tears
No one thought to ask if something was wrong
While I withdrew to the prison of my fears

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

I'd read all night until the sun scorched my face
And stumble dazed into the hallway
Playing out the colored Classics in my head
While sleepwalking through another shabby day

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

I thought someone was coming to rescue me
A savior or a hero or destiny
I waited patiently, expectantly
And I learned to save myself eventually

Small town girls learn how to tell big lies
When the neighbors know all the details of your lives
And gloss over the heartache in your eyes
Yeah, small town girls have to learn to tell big lies

Broken Rosary

2009-07-08T15:45:00.001-04:00

where were you when she was drinking too much
in the middle of town, we were afraid that she'd pass out
they poured water on her head until the ambulance came
and i watched through the car window as they rushed her away

we believed, we believed

where were you when he was suffering
he could barely speak but he knew he had to feed her
they hung him out the window by two little feet
and when he played make believe everyone was falling

we believed, we believed

we will be ok, ok, ok
at least, that's what we'd always say

where were you when she tore up her skin
and crippled the hand she used to paint with
when she crashed her car into a wall on purpose
she always walked away with new scratches

but we believed, we believed, we believed

SunStorm

2009-07-06T15:43:00.001-04:00

This morning's rain is clinging to my blue coat
it still lays in glistening lines on the highway outside my window
the sound of turning wheels whispers a siren call
the warning bell sounds again and I don't mind it at all

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

You rise like the sun scattering the clouds
I wanna lay in your warmth and hear you say my name out loud
but when the clouds roll in I want electricity crackling on my skin
the thunder and the lightning to strike me again and again

I know how this story goes
You'll never leave me
You'll never leave me alone
and that's why I want to go

Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?
This is all my fault but I can't change who I am
and that's how the story ends
that's how the story ends

Everything is as It Should Be

2009-05-28T15:42:00.000-04:00

The summer sky fades into a warm haze
The water’s dark but the city’s ablaze
When I think of all I’ve got, I am blessed and I'm amazed
Finally everything is as it should be

I sing out loud when I walk down the street
I talk with my hands and I waltz with my feet
Maybe I’m the craziest girl you’ll ever meet
But finally everything is as it should be

The darkness crouches like a hungry beast
And sometimes it pounces, sometimes it feasts
Despite our struggles we sometimes taste defeat
But when we win it makes our victories taste so much more sweet

I love to sit at this copper-lined bar
And watch my friend strum a beat-up guitar
We forget what we’ve done, we forgive who we are
Cuz finally everything is as it should be

Trash and Blossoms

2009-04-29T15:39:00.001-04:00

I stood on the sidewalk and watched the wind turn
trash and blossoms into a living collage
the Brooklyn streets are dressed up like a fairy tale movie set
graffitied by some kid cuz it looked too perfect to stay untouched

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

I take all the strength inside me and pour it out
without thinking how I'll survive
iron leaches from my skin, I'm left standing in porcelain
waiting for someone to break me so I'll know that I'm alive

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

my jaw ached this morning, clenched up while I was dreaming
and the sun whispered me awake to the sound of traffic singing
I have nothing beyond today, no past or future bar my way
the chaos of these contradictions is all that brings me faith

everything is so messed up, everything is full of love

The Dream has Changed

2009-03-10T15:37:00.000-04:00

They say this house isn’t yours anymore
Where you measured your kids and played games of Risk on the floor
There’s a sign on your lawn and your life’s been boxed away
So people can buy all your hopes, now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

You lie awake at night running a recount in your head
The money just isn’t there no matter how late you toss in your bed
The morning’s coming, a mixed blessing of relief and dread
What will you tell the ones you love? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

In the morning you watch the market edge a little lower
Finish “The Grapes of Wrath” and wonder if we’re going under
You bet the last of your faith on this year's election
Are we too late to be saved? Now the dream has changed

It all comes crashing down
The plastic and paper we shaped into a counterfeit crown
Fate stepped in and rearranged everything
Now the dream has changed

Rush Hour

2009-03-05T09:17:00.003-05:00

I swore not to hold the elevator anymore
for the people getting off on the second floor
'cuz when they see that I'm coming
they smile and press the button
to close the doors

A myriad of petty little things
build up each day until I want to scream
so I sigh and mutter expletives
if it doesn't kill me, I guess I'll live
hey I can dream

Instead I'm gonna smile at everyone
even when my coffee burns my tongue
and pedestrians push me out of their way
I won't let it wreck my day
I'll listen to the buskers play
donate my last twenty to a bum

Then I'm gonna make you all into my band
If you can't play guitar you can clap your hands
we'll go walking down the streets
a parade of misfits with damaged beats
until the neighbors stomp their feet
on a day so fair and yet so fleet
we'll sing until we can't stand

You Don't Want to Taste My Heart

2009-02-02T10:06:00.001-05:00

I reached through my own skin
Deep between my lungs and ribs
I fought to hold my heart down
Until it stopped struggling

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to hurt myself again

You don't want to taste my heart
You don't want the band-aid off
But I can't stop the flow of blood
til it pours out in a flash flood

You can't live with so much pain
So you learn to turn it on and off again
I can only be free when I sing
Then I have to crush myself again

You think I shut the deluge down
When I chatter and I play the clown
But the fall just takes another form
I lie in the center of the storm

I can only be free when I sing
I'm only free when I sing

The Travelers

2008-12-12T12:13:00.003-05:00

I don't know why I get up each day
and pick up my guitar and start to play
pin down my thoughts so they don't slip away
then bite my tongue like I've got nothing to say

I forget where I am
which country, which continent
all the places I long for but have never been

I guess you're the only one who understands
with no promises and no demands
Let's just run away while we still can
It's not too late, give me your hand

We could drive off and drift around
Playing songs in little beat up towns
For tips and free beer and a place to lay down
Then off to the next one, till the money runs out

I forget where I am
which country, which continent
all the places I long for but have never been

I guess you're the only one who understands
with no promises and no demands
Let's just run away while we still can
It's not too late, give me your hand

Snow Globe (version 2)

2008-12-12T12:09:00.002-05:00

the plastic landscape
of painted faces
no lungs expand
no pulse point races

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside it's snowing

motionless bodies
and sightless glances
no voices call
no heart beat dances

circular sky
lazy fall of ash
captured light
reflecting off the glass

snow globe, you'll never know
shaken, then moving slow
snow globe, you'll never know
outside, outside
it's really snowing

Not Today

2008-08-04T14:27:00.006-04:00

there's a brave face to put on
in the mornings, check the mirror
and I glimpse its strangeness
in passing, in subways, in windows

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

run out of the buildings in the arms of
the bitter sun, the burning sky
collapse on the grass in central park
in this ugly, lovely city

I won't notice when you jostle me, you punish me
for not being what you think that I should be
not today, not today
today belongs to me

not today
today belongs to me

Lifeline

2008-08-04T14:25:00.002-04:00

I take a deep breath but I can't relax
I can't laugh carelessly with this devil on my back

there's always that call, that voice on the end of the line
saying tell me it'll be ok, and I say it will be fine
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

I can't forget, the thoughts that haunt my mind
shadows race after me, I can't leave them behind

there's always that call, that voice at the end of the line
I'm keeping them afloat, my words are a lifeline
it will be fine

as hard as I seem, as strong as I seem
it's all a lie 'cause I can't do anything
as hard as I seem, as cold as I seem
it's all a lie, 'cause I can't do anything
but love

your name

2008-07-23T03:46:00.002-04:00

your name is a haiku
when I say it five, seven, five times
each letter holds a bit of you
the curve of your chin when
sunlight slides through the blinds
and the golden stripes ride your skin

your name is a mystery
the solution is on my tongue
each letter reminds me of you
the gleam in your eye when
you scan concealed horizons
that you're planning to reveal

your name is a blanket
it's warm when I'm wrapped inside
each letter makes me think of you
the arch of your smile when
it spreads slowly, knowingly
and then decides to stay awhile

Parasites

2008-07-23T00:22:00.004-04:00

I was curious so I split my fingernails
trying to pry up that loose stone
my hands were caked with dirt
I wiped them on my new white shirt
and peered at the creature stirring in the loam

half pity, half disgust
we are not the same, but you are one of us
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
I've ever heard, I've ever seen

I struggle with the urge to rub you out in the dirt
with my old mary janes, the sole is splitting
why did I pick up that rock? I knew you'd be underneath
with your big eyes, and white legs burrowing

I am far away from the world you live in
the tunnels, the circles- it's mindless but it means something

who am I to feel repulsed or superior?
I've got my own mountain to lie under
with my big eyes and white legs
burrowing, tunneling
oh why? say it's not for nothing

god, don't you crush me
while I'm still trying for a way out
god, don't you crush me

though I am a parasite
fascinating, for being the most boring thing
you've ever seen
I've still got to find something
burrowing a tunnel to the burning sun

The Weather

2008-05-07T10:57:00.002-04:00

You seem set on eroding my trust
On battering my mountain down to a pile of dust
I lie pliant as you pound me until nothing's left
Your face grieves for my loss, then laughs at the theft

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

You seem hell-bent on breaking my will
Holding down my fluttering heart till it lies still
I welcome your claws as they slowly sink inside
Your smile keeps your secrets but your eyes reveal the lie

You want to be the weather
Driving clouds above my brow
It makes you feel electric
To see me shiver and bow
But your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent now

I am ageless and tired
I've lived the same life
A thousand cycles now
You want to be the weather
but your wind can't whip forever
And your thunder is silent

City / Country

2008-05-07T10:54:00.000-04:00

The sky is turning grey as I walk down 4th avenue
but it’s blue above the highway, looming above the roofs
and the statue with her green arms and gold flame is standing guard
How can it be so beautiful and so hard?

I thought of moving to the country when I missed the hills
and the sky spangled with stars, the creek’s ripples and rills
to walk along the old rail trail under a green canopy
to disappear slowly and quietly

But I took the G train north on Sunday to see a show
and I sat at the bar, in the candlelight glow
Heard the voices and the guitars bleeding out their tones
This place is so foreign but it feels like home

The rain fell on my face this morning in Manhattan
I’d forgotten my umbrella but I didn’t care
I straightened my shoulders and waited for the light to change
And thought, "I’m really happy to be here"

It gives

2008-03-27T12:28:00.002-04:00

I keep running up against the wall
Like this time it will change, like this time it won't be there at all
And it leaves
red grit and blue bruises
but it never gives
Then I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

I hate the way hope makes me hold up my head
When I know it will betray me, it will slay me and leave me for dead
It leaves
gray doubts and yellow scars
but it never gives
Til I begin to give up and I begin to let you go

The wind tells me to smile, this is for the best
Don't fret for what you can't have, put aside your unrest
And it leaves
pink cheeks and pale skin
and it begins to give me
The strength I need to give in and begin to let you go

the geometry of a heavy heart

2008-03-11T14:02:00.002-04:00

I can fit the puzzle pieces together without a picture
I can solve equations with letters representing the numbers
I can draw us as two points, measure out the line
Plot our position through space and time
But I can’t find a way to chart the geometry of a heavy heart

I can sketch the pattern of stars in the heavens, a perfect replication
I can still remember your depth and dimension without hesitation
I can map the site where our paths meet
And guess at the angle of our defeat
But even Euclid and Descartes can't solve the geometry of a heavy heart

I can rewrite the rules till our problems are solved
I can fake the proofs till you don't trust me at all
And it all just falls apart with the geometry of a heavy heart

Foolish Dream

2008-03-11T08:05:00.004-04:00

I can’t explain why I do what I do
I wake up from dreaming with music in my head
I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through

Maybe you want to make loads of money
Your face on glossy pages, your voice on the radio
I just want to survive the only way I know how
You can keep the fortune, honey

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

The thing I do, I know it doesn’t make sense
I could take the easy road to a charmed life
But I’ll never belong with the successful and strong
I just want to pay my rent

We always argue and I never see it your way
You always start but I always have the final say

I remember singin the blues every time I felt bad
Somehow it got me through... foolish dream

Lighthouse Keeper

2008-03-11T08:00:00.001-04:00

We talk oceans into being between us
with stinging words that taste of salt and rust
then you climb the winding stair, up to the mirror
watch your breath form a mist and let it clear
snuff out the little flame and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

I am a vessel on the sand, stranded and dry
said you can’t give me what I need, but you didn’t try
I will track my sightless path across the fathomless span
I will make my way alone just to prove that I can
keep your little flame, and leave me in the dark
oh lighthouse keeper

There’s nothing to guide me, when you’re out of reach
but why should you worry when you’re safe on the beach
I threw a line out to the shore
but you severed the cord
oh lighthouse keeper

Mayday

2008-03-01T10:11:00.000-05:00

I know what I'm doing, I won't get hurt
Walk off with my heart and I'll steal the shirt
Off your back, look behind and I'll laugh
I'll beat you in the end. Baby, pretend

It's mayday, mayday

Baby pretend
I'm your friend, the jukebox charlatan
quarter for my dreams, dollar for my skin
for all these things that roll into and out of my head
Like it never happened. Baby, say when

It's mayday, mayday

Baby, say when
I can stop tiptoeing around what I want to say
Rehearsing the lines to my own play
It might be ok to soften in the sun, a little
Then you'll understand.
Baby, take my hand, it's mayday.

it's mayday.

Broken Thing

2007-12-20T12:04:00.000-05:00

When I couldn't take it anymore
I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door
and think of the choices before me
what the cabinet holds
but I always did as I was told
am I a broken thing?

When the fight began I had nowhere to go
so I closed my eyes and turned up the stereo
The way a voice can tell stories
it's not supposed to tell
I keep my secrets and keep them well
am I a broken thing?

But I pretend everything's ok
the bruises are under my clothes
and only the mirror knows
am i a broken thing?

Atlas Shrugged

2007-12-20T12:01:00.000-05:00

I'm at the dead-end street
I'm in the darkened alley
It's like it's calling for me
It's like I know it wants me

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

I buy human misery
For two new shiny quarters
Ink runs in the rain
My hands are black and stained

There's no escape
no escape

When you told me not to be afraid
I smiled at your innocence
When you told me not to be afraid
I said the world is on my shoulders
If I let it fall it might crush us all

There's no escape,
no escape

joyfully

2007-09-18T15:32:00.000-04:00

Cloud shadow runs over my skin
The world is racing by
I tremble like a leaf on the branch
With the next wind's breath
I'll spin into the unknown
Joyfully

So I'm not a green and tender thing
My color bursts forth
And I couldn't ride the wind like this
When I was young and afraid
Now I open my arms
Joyfully

I fall for the golden lazy boy
The liquid autumn sun
His kiss still burns on my brow
Even after he sinks below
I follow him down
Into the unknown
With open arms
Joyfully

shoulders dream

2007-09-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

i'm waiting for your words to speak to me
while doubting the existence
the wordless language of hands and eyes

so i spend my time gathering fragments
trying to form an image out of dust
until i feel the weariness creep into my blood

i want to let go, but i can't

i find comfort in the angles and distance
doubt becomes a heady drug
the way to avoid opening myself to anyone

i want it this way, the utter quiet
though sometimes, late, my shoulders sigh
with their own dream of leaning on someone

i want to let go, but i can't

i've taken it too far now
you have to knock before i can invite you inside
and let go

snow globe

2007-08-29T10:17:00.000-04:00

i'm afraid of the frozen landscape
the friendly mouths are stretched too wide
like wolves and crocodiles
smiling out from civilian eyes

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

i'm afraid of the motionless residents
welcoming arms stretched out too wide
like sea urchins and anemones
patiently waiting for prey to arrive

circular sky of glass bathed in captured light
lazy fall of plastic ash clinging to polymer faces
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
safe in the water, the miniature ground never moves
but outside it's really snowing

caught on this day in a chemical mold
this place is a pretty prison
i want to smash the walls of glass in
to free the mix of water and ash

but i know
nobody wants this but me
they want to stay in the fake snow
at the bottom of a snow globe, it's better not knowing
outside it's snowing real snow

the damaged part

2007-08-22T15:00:00.001-04:00

fingers meshed between a chain link fence
i want what i see lying just beyond my grasp
Brooklyn with your rain-lashed face
streaked with tail lights smudge
i don't care how cold you get
i'll walk your streets all night

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

fingers tracing concrete graffiti scars
the Braille your history is written in
stories vibrate through my skin
in snapshot moments i never lived
wandering where the wind leads
this is what i need, sleep can wait

gathering the pieces, broken and re-glued
please don't hide the damage, i want every part of you
i want every part of you

Vinyl

2007-07-11T16:00:00.000-04:00

in the wee hours my thoughts revolve
my eyes run the record groove
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it scratching, scratching
my thoughts revolve
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

on an endless night i turn the volume up
my voice crackles, warm vinyl
someone put your needle on me
i need to feel it grinding, grinding
turn the volume up
put your needle on me

no matter how many times i spin away
i snap back, whiplash, to where i was yesterday
the damage is done dear, with or without you here
it always catches in that one spot but no matter what
i've still got to play

forbidden door

2007-06-23T18:26:00.000-04:00

behind the forbidden door
i hear the click of claw on floor
panting breath and blood-spill lust
my palms sweat and my mouth tastes of dust

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

all of us have a secret room
where horrors crawl and terrors bloom
we lock the door and pretend not to know
the things that we left to ripen below

but i have to go down the back set of stairs
i have to go down to the forbidden door

i have to go down
because that's where i'll know me
you don't have to go there with me
i'm not lonely

but i have to go down

Freedom

2007-05-24T10:59:00.001-04:00

everyday it's the same old day
all the people pushing each other out of the way
to get where they don't want to be in the first place
to get the money to buy the things they don't need to fill the empty space
to replace dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

i get lost in the crowd, i lose my way
they taught me if i want to get somewhere
i've got to take and take and take
till the weaker ones break beneath me
i've lost my sense of sound and sight and touch and taste
i replace my dreams with decay

i want to dig my fingers into
the plastic sheets i wrapped myself in
i want to breathe, to feel the air hum on my skin
to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences
i want to want something
i want to want something
i want freedom

to splash my heart across these city streets
and damn the consequences

you're the dog

2007-05-23T11:39:00.000-04:00

let me strain at the end of my chain
run the wide circle, i wear it down
to a rutted hollow in the ground
don't take the collar off

i'm a hound hungry for a bone
to hoard and bury in fertile black soil
the dark womb, my plot takes root
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

let me run till i'm yanked off my feet
scrape off the skin and bloody my chin
test the limits with lunatic insistence
don't take the collar off

i'm a mongrel lusting for strangers
to rend and tear, they dared liberation
while i am in ruins pacing the boundary
don't dig the skeletons up

let me blame you, let me say it's all your fault
let me hate you, let me say that you're the dog
i am bound because i want to be
but let me say it's you
not me

Papers and Magazines

2007-05-07T16:07:00.002-04:00

remember when we couldn't sleep
cuz the nightmares were real and their shadows stretched deep
I'd say think of a beautiful dream

we'd get together when we got older
you said I was your savior but you were my shoulder
and we shared the myths of the past

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

remember when I met you at the train
we drank beer on my stoop without saying a thing
then we both laughed and took a breath

we were naïve and broken and sad
i still thought i could save the world when it went bad

we don't need our faces in the papers and magazines
we don't need our names in the annals of history
'cuz we know who we are and what we have done
the monsters we fought and the battles we won
we don't need anything from anyone

but if you need to breathe I will help you to breathe
if you need to believe I will help you to believe
if you need to break free I will help you to break free
'cuz you always did the same for me
you always did the same for me

needles and spines

2007-04-25T11:07:00.000-04:00

when i was a kid you would drive and i'd hold the map upside down
then we'd get lost but you'd never get mad, you'd laugh and kiss me on the crown
and say, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but people are puzzles with signs and symbols that i can't decipher

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

when i was a kid i reached for the burner, you grabbed my hands and pulled me away
but i had to touch it, i kept reaching out, i had to learn the meaning of pain
you said, 'it'll get easier when you get older'
but i still see it brighten and beckon so i reach for the fire

i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the world quivers with needles and spines
the glint of poison leaves my hypnotized
and crawls into the whorls and ravines
i wanna taste it, even if it kills me

even if it's wrong
my heart stands still in her empty chambers
i get it all wrong
i get it all wrong
but i long for more time to kiss the greedy mouth of life

the inevitable

2007-04-25T11:04:00.001-04:00

here i am again in a cab from manhattan
leaving the city for the quiet of brooklyn
and the city lights look like a fairy kingdom
reflected in the river's dark oblivion

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

would be easy to give in after everything that's been
but how could i begin? should i shuffle and flinch
when i remember standing straight and proud
with heart unshackled, head unbowed

there's lady liberty and she is me
standing tall and brave, holding up her single light
with no one there to help her when she is tired and cold
but still-
she's always there when i come home
always there when i come home

if this is the price i will pay it
if this is the command i will obey it
if no one understands i will believe it
the light is in my hands
i can feel it
i can see it

always there when i come home

the lost gospel of judas

2006-12-29T14:14:00.000-05:00

i'm not surprised anymore
i don't feel a shock when you show up at my door
with a story full of holes
that we've both chosen to ignore
the robes that we are rolling for

how can i trust anyone when i already know how this ends?
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
betrayal's never welcome on your lips
and hearts never get easier to mend

i feel a rush of relief
to stop defending my position and suspending disbelief
at the guilt you evince
with a cringe and a wince
the olive branch dressed in a fig leaf

how can i trust anyone when i already know how this ends?
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
betrayal's never welcome on your lips
and hearts never get easier to mend

let's not dance around sincerity again when we already know how this will end
you'll seal the deal with a kiss, my friend
i can smell the snow on your breath
and hearts never get easier to mend

examination table

2006-12-29T14:00:00.000-05:00

why do i open wide
when they say
'stick out your tongue
let me probe inside
and tell me if you feel something'?

why do i take it lying down
when they say
'give me your clothes
put on this hospital gown
don't worry, you won't feel a thing'?

why do i lower my head
when they say
'be a good girl
and do as i have said
let me handle everything'?

why do i hold so still
when they say
'take a deep breath
this might feel a little chill
but it's most likely nothing'?

if i am sick, it's from the terror in your eyes
the awe in which you hold the splendor of your lies

why do i lower my head?

air

2006-12-18T14:09:00.000-05:00

spend all my time
erecting fortifications
fingers to the dam
pacing the widows walk

but you lift me out of my skin
and i want to come
up for air
i can't breathe for long
out of the water
but i will meet you there

spend countless hours
shaping paper masks
shrug like atlas
waiting for the ship that won't come in

but you lift me out of my skin
and i want to come
up for air
i can't breathe for long
out of the water
but i will meet you there

i always feel so empty when it's over

2006-12-16T14:06:00.000-05:00

shoot for the moon
bring it down like snow
and when it falls for a beat, a breath
i'll wear its glow

pluck out the stars
pin 'em in my eyes
before they wither like wildflowers
i'll tell their lives

oh
i wonder everyone doesn't know
when the music's finished playing
when streamers cover the floor
i'm still dancing slow

but i always feel so empty when it's over

shake all the planets
till orbits realign
in the aftermath i will shiver, laugh
and say, 'you were mine'

remember the moon
the veil of misty white
will cling to my clothes, melt in my hair
when we kiss goodnight

oh
i wonder everyone doesn't know
when the music's finished playing
when streamers cover the floor
i'm still dancing slow

but i always feel so empty when it's over

there's something beautiful in us

2006-12-02T14:05:00.000-05:00

i'll tell you what i see in the way you look at me
i see your eyes hold the key to my destruction

i've done this before and i'll do it evermore
miss the warning signs, but step back in time to change direction

i want to believe there's something beautiful in us
i want to believe that we can change, that we can leave behind our selfish ways
i want to believe

but i've got to find my way alone
no one can help me with this

i don't say a word cuz my meaning goes unheard
i spin my stories out for strangers with hearts to listen
i can't entertain, i can't play the pointless games
that everyone is forced to play until they become an addiction

i want to believe there's something beautiful in us
i want to believe that we can change, that we can leave behind our selfish ways
i want to believe

but i've got to find my way alone
no one can help me with this

artificial life

2006-11-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

yes i bruise, and sometimes i bleed
but i am wild & wicked & free
don't pin your crimes on a broken heart
then ask me to quietly play the part
you set for me

you don't want me to survive
when you are withered and dead
it makes you feel alive to think
that you are the air keeping me alive
when you are withered and dead
you don't want me to survive

yes i bruise, and sometimes i break
but i am color & light & grace
don't throw a challenge at my feet
then ask me to bow my head in defeat
without a fight

you don't want me to survive
when you are withered and dead
it makes you feel alive to think
that you are the air keeping me alive
when you are withered and dead
you don't want me to survive

unless i embrace the shape of your lies
your artificial life

ghost story

2006-10-24T13:59:00.000-04:00

the cold, hard facts are twisted like taffy
open wide for sugared strands of corruption
pulsing cavities hint at self-destruction
in the afterimage of chemical brightened smiles

let me take this out of context with canvas and oil
will you stay the course, seeing what you want to see?
while i paint the landscape in distorted hues
pulled from the palette of our modern prophets

fabricated threats and dire warnings
are monsters under the bed, eating up our hopes
once upon a time there was nothing to fear
but now the closet rattles with mushroom clouds

i choose not to eat the witch's poisoned apple
to sleep while toyed with by puppetmasters
or wait for a hero's strength to rescue me
from a death i welcomed into my own sacred body

let me take this out of context with paper and pen
will you stay the course, hearing what you want to hear?
while i walk you through this disturbing landscape
of past truths erased by ever-present lies

red riding hood

2006-10-03T13:56:00.000-04:00

i try to figure out what's wrong with all of us
and why we try to solve our problems with some bullets and a gun
why would you want to hurt someone
even if you've been hurt in the past?
what makes someone hurt someone?
i'm half-afraid to ask

in a world full of wolves maybe i'm just a little girl
instead of the sharp teeth and set jaw, i see a smile curl
why would someone want to hurt me?
i've been through enough in this life
we're all left nursing our own pain
whether it comes from a word or a hand or a knife

we pivot around the sound of those who scream loudest
and i feel my whisper's lost, another useless protest
but i was born a stubborn fool
i'm at the mercy of my heart
and it tells me to struggle and hope and love
even when this life rips me apart

maybe i'm just a little girl and you laugh at me under your hand
i will bring you the flowers i picked in the shadow of the mountain
and if you want you can trample them
but it's all i have to give
i'm going to struggle and hope and love
as long as this world lets me live

i'm going to struggle and hope and love
as long as this world lets me live

the monotony of rising and falling

2006-09-29T13:54:00.000-04:00

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the bustle and clamor
don't come knocking if you want something
i won't answer no matter how you hammer

not gonna think about the last time i screwed up
or the last time i saw you, or the last thing you said
will put on my headphones, fill up some pages
empty my bruised heart and clear my stubborn head

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm going home, to shut the door
shut it all out, the climbing and crawling
don't come knocking if you want something
to break the monotony of rising and falling

i choose to walk where others see a wasteland
and i embrace it and i kiss the thorny soil
the spirit comes and raises my chin
oh destiny, i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going

i can keep track of the nights i haven't slept
by the bottles lined up along my window ledge
i sleep with my computer in the bed these nights
for the comfort of the pulsing of the power light

i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
i'm scared but i'm going
going away

Red Ballpoint Pen

2006-09-20T13:52:00.001-04:00

five seconds, i'll lay my soul bare
bask in the phosphor heat
the spark, the hush, the crackle, the flare
i promise to stay incomplete
flickering to nothing but ash
my love burns hot, and it burns out so fast
it burns out so fast but tomorrow i won't care

three minutes, i'll drown in your eyes
touch the sweet cup to my lips
the rose, the blush, the body, the light
i'm forcing my own eclipse
holding on to an empty glass
my love intoxicates, but it never lasts
it never lasts and tomorrow i'll swallow new lies

one night, i'll laugh at this madness
curled up tight in a chair

the pride, the penance, the waste, the sadness
i've seen more truth now than i can bear
scribbling with a red ballpoint pen
my love's an addiction, i'll taste it again
i'll taste it again, and tomorrow i know i'll be glad

poker face

2006-09-20T13:50:00.000-04:00

if actions speak louder than words
then i never speak at all
the money's down, bluff's been called
let the chips fall where they may

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

i'm compulsive, pour me a drink
i'll either be happy or sad
when the sun's comin up and my wallet's lost
yeah i've been had or so they say

but my face will never betray me
it will never reveal the things i feel
i'll make up stories about you
and convince myself that they're real
under my breath i whisper, 'don't walk out the door'
meaninglessly, cuz i know you will
i know you

Suppose

2006-09-10T13:47:00.001-04:00

You all get married young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose it's brought you happiness too? I suppose no one's happier than you

You're having babies young cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you've matured too? I suppose you'll raise 'em just like you

I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but I'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

You all go to church on sundays cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose those people in the church love you? I suppose you love those people too

You all talk about your god cuz that's what you're supposed to do
and I suppose you preach what you practice too? I suppose no one's holier than you

but I never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
I was never satisfied to live my life just like everyone else
and I might break myself but i'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

I take communion with a steaming loaf of bread and red wine
in the back of the bar with my friends at closing time

and we never fit in nowhere, with nothing, with no one
we were never satisfied to live our lives just like everyone else
and music is the secret we share among ourselves

our cups run over and spill on the floor
we've stayed up too late, let's just sing one more
all of us broken and used, lost and confused
and we might break ourselves but we'd rather be used
than whole and new and still up on the shelf

Brake Lights

2006-08-28T13:46:00.001-04:00

Haven't seen the mountains for a few months now
and it feels like years since I've seen green
The rain's keeping rhythm on the car roof
I wish it was you sitting next to me

Fog is lifting lazy off the slope
Only mist but I think it looks like smoke
There's nothing I really want to listen to
but I wish it was you with your hand on the radio

Then maybe we'd pull off the highway, let all the cars roll on their way
No words to eat up the silence unless there's something to say
Why be in such a hurry? Just slow down and don't worry

Sky is poking out behind the clouds in patches
Looks a lot like me- blue, broken, and ragged
but bright with unspoken promise
and I wish it was you lighting up my blue

Eyes disappear in distant shadow
I think I could sleep on through till tomorrow
Brake lights shake me out of my daze
I wish it was you saying 'sleep now, it'll be ok'

Then maybe we'd pull off the highway, let all the cars roll on their way
No words to eat up the silence unless there's something to say
Why be in such a hurry? Just slow down and don't worry

hurricane

2006-08-23T13:44:00.000-04:00

electric fingers lift my hair
while the whirlwind carries our dearest possessions
away
it all comes to nothing
but i am still here

i am the calm in the eye of the storm

static drowns the sound of my voice
i was calling your name through the rain of
destruction
and you never came
but i am still here

i am the calm in the eye of the storm

sometimes i want to throw a glass against the wall
to shut you up, cuz you're not listening at all
sometimes i want to throw myself against the wall
to shut you up, if i fall let me choose to fall

i am the calm in the eye of the storm

colour of fall leaves

2006-08-21T16:48:00.000-04:00

friends & neighbors want to tell me what i should do
while they argue over my gift, dogs on a bone
while the meat of my deepest beliefs is torn apart in front of me
& all i want is to go home and try to sleep

should i spend my life staring at an office wall
while inside my head my dreams are the colour of fall leaves
and no one but me can see them withering under my feet?

my songs are my daughters, should i dress them up in tight clothes
put them out on the street? say 'bring me some money kids, before you can come home'?

what i'm gonna do is make my music
however i choose it
& i don't care if you like it or you think you can buy it or sell it or promote it
what i'm gonna do is make my music
even if it breaks my heart and empties my wallet
but don't you ever tell me
'go write a song about it'

friends & neighbors, i'd do anything for you
but when it comes to my dreams, let me be, i'm turning my back on you
cuz i've had to struggle and watch the minutes run to hours and days and years
that will never come again
and i don't wanna hear another argument

what i'm gonna do is make my music
however i choose it
& i don't care if you think you can buy it or you think you can sell it or promote it
what i'm gonna do is make my music
even if it breaks my heart and empties my wallet
but don't you ever say again
'go write a song about it'

Dissolution / Disillusionment

2006-05-31T16:15:00.001-04:00

what a disaster
what a surprise
my pulse pounds faster
the water's in my eyes

my instinct says run without saying goodbye
construct a safe edifice of denials and lies
can i lay in the ruins of love that won't survive
until my will dissolves and i let it fall to pieces?

but i take a deep breath and let it out
bite my lip and beat back doubt
why can't you leave me alone
even when you're not here
even when you're nowhere near?

the clocks protest
time stands still
i refuse to confess
to the things i feel

you don't exist, except in my heart
built up of memory & abandoned parts
can i rest in your arms? put my head on your chest
until my will collapses and i let you drift apart?

but i take a deep breath and let it out
bite my lip and beat back doubt
why can't you leave me alone
even when you're not here
even when you're nowhere near?

Cookie

2006-05-09T13:34:00.001-04:00

i'm gonna smack your cheek
i'm gonna smack your cheek
don't try to speak, you're up the creek
without a paddle

i'm gonna kick you in the teeth
i'm gonna kick you in the teeth
now that's the score, you lost the war
and i won the battle

get your hands off my cookies you had your share
get your hands off my cookies you had your share
get your hands off my cookies you had your share
you can go to hell, i'll send you there

i'm gonna rip out your tongue
i'm gonna rip out your tongue
don't even run, i've just begun
i've hardly started

i'm gonna pluck out your eyes
i'm gonna pluck out your eyes
don't even cry, don't ask me why
i'm so cold-hearted

get your hands off my cookies you had your share
get your hands off my cookies you had your share
get your hands off my cookies you had your share
you can go to hell, i'll send you there

love will find me

2006-04-17T15:59:00.000-04:00

when i walk home i never feel lonely
it's spring and i'm coming back to life again
i am held by the wind, baptized by the rain
waltz with the blossoms, drift to the pavement

i still believe love will find me
love will find me

i know the thoughts that cross your mind
i'm holding on for truth of a different kind
kisses that shake me, make my body sing
eyes that look within, that see past the skin

i still believe love will find me
love will find me

sometimes i surrender to the moment
cuz i'm not sure if tomorrow's really coming
the whole world's at war, fighting for nothing
the building's are falling, we're all for the killing

but i still believe love will find me
love will find me

casually

2006-04-17T15:55:00.000-04:00

why do you feel the need to lie? i'm not gonna fall for it
i'm not sixteen anymore
all those pretty words you spout, like i won't figure it out
like i haven't been through this before

you say nobody sees me for who i am
to imply you do as you try to woo me with the weakest sham
but i see through you

you didn't let me down
you didn't let me down
you just met my lowest expectation
and i am disappointed but not surprised

that's the beginning and the end, now don't bother to pretend
like you're actually worried for me
cuz it don't matter anyway, got my heart break stowed away
for someone who's worth the agony

you say you wanna kiss me, my composure slips
cuz it's easy to see how casually things pass your lips
i want none of it

you didn't let me down
you didn't let me down
you just met my lowest expectation
and i am disappointed but not surprised

you must think i'm stupid
i am disappointed
but unsuprised

weapons of mass destruction

2006-04-17T15:52:00.000-04:00

dragged you around like you were my old ball n' chain
but it was all in my head, i must have been insane
now i'll shoot you through the heart, a nice clean bullet wound
so you can get on with your life and mine can finally resume

i stumble around in a fog of my own making
but i'm not taking any prisoners anymore
i stumble around in the fallout i called down
but i'm not crowning any kings anymore

strung on a line, all of you i've loved for nothing
say you love me forever, but lies don't soothe the sting
so i'll let my arrows fly, shoot down your once-upon-a-times
so happily ever after won't have to die for your crimes

i stumble around in a fog of my own making
but i'm not taking any prisoners anymore
i stumble around in the fallout i called down
but i'm not crowning any kings anymore

i wasn't made for anyone else
so i will unmake myself

everybody's in trouble

2006-04-17T15:44:00.000-04:00

it's coming down, coming down, coming down
you brought the rain
and if it stops i'll do a dance and say a prayer
to bring it back down again

today i'll go for a walk and get soaked to the skin
today i'll let the rain replace the pain i'm bathing in

everybody's in trouble
breaking to pieces
where are the kings men when you need 'em

i just wanna know that you're alright
at least one of us should make it out alive

it's coming down, coming down, coming down
to a nasty fall
couldn't stay safe below i had to climb up and
risk it all

today i'll find a way to mend my splintered bones
today i'll let the fall rupture my heart of stone

everybody's in trouble
breaking to pieces
where are the kings men when you need 'em

i just wanna know that you're alright
at least one of us should make it out alive

all you see

2006-02-24T11:32:00.000-05:00

you take it in the gut
when he calls you a thief, a liar, & a slut
tears a hole in your shirt
& tells you to go change into a longer skirt

little girl
why don't you stay down
when he knocks you to the ground?
you just keep getting up
cuz all you see
is love

excuses wearing thin
bruises blossom beneath your skin
you said you fell again
split your lip, chipped a tooth, busted your chin

little girl
why don't you stay down
when he knocks you to the ground?
you just keep getting up
cuz all you see
is love

you tell me not to pry
you've got your reasons, i don't need to know why
but you're staying till the end
& if i question you i'm not really your friend

little girl
why don't you stay down
when he knocks you to the ground?
you just keep getting up
cuz all you see
is love

eggshell heart

2006-02-24T11:19:00.000-05:00

i broke my eggshell heart against the lip of your cup
tried to hide how raw i felt inside but i wasn't firm enough
now the embryo of love is pooling on the table
i'm helpless, unable to stop its mad rush
i could quiver, i could blush
but i refuse to die twice

i've felt love in all its shades & degress
felt it hardening my resolve & weakening my knees
saw its open jaws & sent myself hurtling in
to fall down, humpty-dumpty & never get the lesson
i could whimper, i could cry
but i refuse to die twice

so i devour your hunger like a storybook
& look up in time to catch you in a lingering look
place my eggshell heart within your capable hands
you can take me or break me- i understand
won't be long before i'm gone
because i refuse to die twice

quiet from chaos

2006-02-24T11:16:00.000-05:00

let's us go down to the lake
sit in the winter grass
no promises to make
the water's a looking glass

& in the mirror i see
sky spin out infinitely
sun's winter doubt wavering
clouds strung across a canopy
& hush until we can still chaos with
our quiet

i'll wrap one arm around my knees
while you skip stones
& pick at last year's leaves
& pretend not to feel alone

in the mirror i see
sky spin out infinitely
sun's winter doubt wavering
clouds strung across a canopy
& hush until we can still chaos with
our quiet

don't bend my ear to what i don't want to hear
& i swear i will do the same for you
hush until we can still chaos with
our quiet

Spine

2006-02-24T11:11:00.001-05:00

i'll be fine.
i've got a spine made of iron, fortified with wine
i'll watch you from the corner of my eye
then i'll sigh,
then i'll leave without saying goodbye

i'll be fine.
toe the line, bite my lip, but won't give you a sign
i'll write songs to no one but they're all for you
it's what i do
tell the truth without telling the truth

if there's one thing you can take away with you
remember i'm foolishly stubborn & endlessly blue
but i'll be fine
cuz i'm always always always alright

i'll be fine.
i will sign what you desire on the bottom line
i'll tear my own heart in two before
you can do it
i don't want to go through it

i'll be fine.
i've got a spine made of iron, fortified with wine
i'll watch you from the corner of my eye
then i'll sigh,
then i'll leave without saying goodbye

if there's one thing you can take away with you
remember i'm foolishly stubborn & endlessly blue
but i'll be fine
cuz i'm always always always alright

i've always been a sucker for
anyone who would suck me in
& use me up & spit me out & do it all again
but i'll be fine
cuz i'm always always always
alright

breaking or broken

2006-02-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

night unfolds, rose petals
& i'm holding a vigil again
candle light, another night
heartbreaking or heartbroken

waltz alone in the streetlight glow
glistening in the rain

& everything seems more beautiful
when i'm wishing wishing wishing
for someone to share it with

watch the clock, never stops
edging toward blooming sun
toss & turn, flame still burns
heartbreaking or heartbroken

naked trees laugh at the breeze
buffeting their skin

& everything seems more beautiful
when i'm wishing wishing wishing
for someone to share it with

sometimes i feel like i don't exist
or maybe i'm the only one left alive

natural selection

2006-02-24T11:07:00.000-05:00

it's a jungle
it's a jungle in the city
wanna beat me?
wanna eat me?
it's natural selection

but i won't fight you for it
so step back
i won't fight you

it's survival
it's survival of the fittest
wanna fight me?
wanna bite me?
it's natural selection

but i won't fight you for it
so step back
i won't fight you

cuz i don't need anyone
i won't fight you

Home, Finally

2006-02-24T11:05:00.001-05:00

my life's strange & unpredictable
reads like a novel, like a screenplay
a puzzle with a million jagged pieces
fragments that just fall into place
with no mistakes to erase

if life gets any more beautiful my heart might break
at the unlooked for happiness trailing in its wake
my heart might break

watch night form solidly
floor of cloud beneath a plane wing
stars transmit secret meaning
while the engine throbs & sings me
home, finally

if life gets any more beautiful my heart might break
at the unlooked for happiness trailing in its wake
my heart might break

losing someone

2006-02-24T11:03:00.000-05:00

five o' clock, i am locked in a train
tempted to pull the emergency break
to stop myself from rolling out of control
off the tracks, a runaway
but my wicked smile says i don't mind, it's ok

i dream when i am wide awake
craving for the taste of
another heartbreak on my tongue
cuz nothing is as sweet as losing someone
losing someone

same thoughts hide behind each face
no differences beneath flannel or lace
i'll take you all on the ride of your lives
just give me your hands & close your eyes
my weary smile says never mind, it's alright

i dream when i am wide awake
craving for the taste of
another heartbreak on my tongue
cuz nothing is as sweet as losing someone
losing someone

happiness hurts

2006-02-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

i don't want anything to change
hang the year in a picture frame
scratch my name on the window pane
to say i was here

wandering room after room
shadows of unknown disasters loom
soon i'll be singing a broken tune
to ward off fear

happiness hurts
cuz i can't make it last
it's moving too fast, another year past
happiness hurts cuz i can't make it last

flecks of dust floating in gold
i stop to watch the dance unfold
some of us young are untellably old
we can't forget

how many loves did i lose?
offered up as a gift to my muse
she's always hungry and i can't refuse
but no regret

happiness hurts
cuz i can't make it last
it's moving too fast, another year past
happiness hurts cuz i can't make it last

rebirth

2006-02-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

when you were young
you had to run & run & run
& outrun the pain
of your need, of your desire
you had to bleed & bleed
& burn in the fire

cuz it's urgent, it's urgent, it's urgent
tomorrow you won't know why
& the pain burrows down so deep
you think you're going to die

till you fall exhausted to the ground
with the weight of your life pressing you down
till slow, slow, slow
you feel the earth revolve beneath you
you feel the rain fall absolve you

love is a seed, plant it deep
it grows, grows out of control
love is a flame, it defeats the ice
& laughs & laughs & kisses the snow

till you reach toward the sky
push through the soil
& strain, strain, strain through the earth
break the surface, break the curses
& glow, glow, glow
in the light of rebirth

just don't give up hope
everything resolves itself in time
& love will not be denied

brown eyes

2005-09-14T15:13:00.001-04:00

every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
i get lost
every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
i count the cost

i think you're worth a little pain
just don't bring the rain
don't bring the rain

every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
makes me smile
every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
i wanna say 'just stay here awhile'

i think you're worth a little pain
just don't bring the rain
don't bring the rain

every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
i get blue
every time i see your brown eyes, brown eyes
i fall in love with you

i think you're worth a little pain
just don't bring the rain
don't bring the rain

communion (you wanna shut my mouth)

2005-09-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

let me partake of the daydreams that will eventually break my heart
blood on my tongue, body undone, now it's my turn to come apart

you don't know me, this bundle of flesh and bone stretched across the floor
you don't owe me this debt of cruelty as you turn me out the door

i see, i see, i see
everything you thought you hid from me

i feel fingers slide over my mouth and tighten their grip on my arm
love is a weapon, i'm not a victim but i feel like i'm falling apart

you don't know me, this bundle of flesh and bone stretched across the floor
you don't owe me this debt of cruelty as you turn me out the door

i see, i see, i see
everything you thought you hid from me

you wanna shut my mouth, you wanna shut my mouth, you wanna shut my mouth
i know you do
i know you do

but you don't know me, this bundle of flesh and bone stretched across the floor
you don't owe me this debt of cruelty as you turn me out the door

shrug like a devil

2005-09-14T15:07:00.000-04:00

so go laugh behind my back
and sleep with all my friends
what good are they to me anyway
when they'd trade my trust for your bed

i can smile like an angel, shrug like a devil
and leave you to find your own heaven or hell

but don't think that i don't know, don't think i'll let you come in the door
or climb in my window, it's 4 am and i am just fine on my own
and you are the one who's scared to be alone
who's scared to be alone

so go ahead, drown me out
with another predictable joke
i wouldn't waste my breath anyway
cuz i'm saving it up for a smoke

i can smile like an angel, shrug like a devil
and leave you to find your own heaven or hell

but don't think that i don't know, don't think i'll let you come in the door
or climb in my window, it's 4 am and i am just fine on my own
and you are the one who's scared to be alone
who's scared to be alone

orlando (cells & divisions)

2005-09-14T15:03:00.000-04:00

off off off with pearls & ribbons
down down down to the skin
discarded wigs & powders
unguarded by fans or feathers

society's been sitting my judge & jury
but i don't need no help to make my own decisions
it's my heart confined within these cells & their divisions
and i am beautiful without
i am beautiful without the sentence of my peers passed down
there's no deliberation here

burn burn burn the labels & names
turn turn turn every page the same
trample on the tools of etiquette & status
sample the forbidden feast of habit & fetish

society's been sitting my judge & jury
but i don't need no help to make my own decisions
it's my heart confined within these cells & their divisions
and i am beautiful without
i am beautiful without the sentence of my peers passed down
there's no deliberation here

sinister height

2005-09-14T15:00:00.000-04:00

catch me, hook line & sinker
pluck me from friendly water
dangle me in enemy air
reel me into a net of despair

i will fight fight fight until i die
i will bite your hand, blind your eye
bruise your flesh, break your will
throw me back while you still have a chance

bait me with a tainted lure
tease me until i can't be sure
if up is down, if left is right, alright
raise me from my depths to your sinister height

i will fight fight fight until i die
i will bite your hand, blind your eye
bruise your flesh, break your will
throw me back while you still have a chance

Cake

2005-07-20T13:16:00.001-04:00

fuss & fidgets, lucky digits

sixty-nine, you'll be mine

can't resist me, tongue-twist me

goodness gracious, i'm voracious

gonna have my cake & eat it too

and when i've had enough of you

lick my dish & clean the spoon

grumble & groan, mumble & moan

they're just jealous, i'm so rebellious

sugar-frosted, leave you exhausted

brain-less, bra-less, just plain obnoxious

gonna have my cake & eat it too

and when i've had enough of you

lick my dish & clean the spoon

revolving door

2005-05-31T10:46:00.001-04:00

what i could tell you
the things i've been through
since i last spoke with you

what i could show you
the girl you never knew
a truth that isn't true

revolving door, take me for a ride
i can't get out the way i got inside
revolving door, take me for a spin
i can't get out the way that i got in

what does free look like anyway?
yesterday is still today.

what i could give you
a place of refuge
to take your cares to

i could still love you
with bone and marrow
with flesh and sinew

revolving door, take me for a ride
i can't get out the way i got inside
revolving door, take me for a spin
i can't get out the way that i got in

what does free look like anyway?
yesterday is still today.

worst case

2005-05-31T10:42:00.001-04:00

what could
what could not
what should have been
regret
i'm not finished yet
what would have been

you're my last case, my first case, the worst case
the face i put on the blues

what will
what will not
what should not be
regret
i'm still in your debt
what would not be

you're my last case, my first case, the worst case
the face i put on the blues

i cannot have you
you're my worst case
the face i put on the blues

more or less

2005-05-31T10:39:00.000-04:00

you love me because i make you see how beautiful you could be
you hate me because i make you see how you fail

it's easy to tell a pretty lie when honesty will not satisfy
but i can't candy-coat the things i feel

i am not afraid of any poison, of any blade
i can take the weight of this mess we're in- it's not too late
just don't turn away. i could not love you more or less than i do today.

you love me because i make you feel the distance between false and real
you hate me because i make you feel ashamed

it's easy to tell a pretty lie when honesty will not satisfy
but i can't candy-coat the things i feel

i am not afraid of any poison, of any blade
i can take the weight of this mess we're in- it's not too late
just don't turn away. i could not love you more or less than i do today.

crown of thorns

2005-05-26T13:30:00.001-04:00

baby, i feel a bit like Jesus
hung up, senseless
strung up, useless
sick enough to admit i'd do it again
not a question of how, just a matter of when

i'll weave your thorns into a crown
i'll pull you down over my brow
you say, 'this pain's getting to be an old story.'
i say, 'baby, so are we,
but the rose that grows from our sunless soil never smelled so sweet.'

baby, i feel a bit like Judas
greedy, remorseless
betrayal in my kiss
slaying my pride to stay at your side
wolf in sheep's clothing, crucified

i'll weave your thorns into a crown
i'll pull you down over my brow
you say, 'this pain's getting to be an old story.'
i say, 'baby, so are we,
but the rose that grows from our sunless soil never smelled so sweet.'

to give out, to give up, to give in
i am willing
to give-
my kingdom for a crown

girl/accessory

2005-05-13T16:43:00.001-04:00

turn my poetry into prose
deny me 3x before the cock crows
hunched shoulders, pull up my hood
damn me, eternally misunderstood

i won't look you in the eye
while you recreate me
however you want me to be
the perfect accessory
the perfect lie

turn my water into stone
or send me running like a bitch after a bone
clenched hands, bite my tongue
damn me, i'm always through but i'm never done

i won't look you in the eye
while you recreate me
however you want me to be
the perfect accessory
the perfect lie

Color Blind

2005-05-13T12:19:00.001-04:00

can't see your blue, blue veins
raging with red, red blood
laced with white, white cocaine

can't see your green, green eyes
dilate with black, black thoughts
frantic for white, white highs

i was stupid to listen to anything you had to say
i couldn't see you were using me cuz i was born this way
color-blind

can't see your blue, blue eyes
racing with red, red blood
filling with white, white disdain

can't see your green, green eyes
loaded with black, black hate
desperate for white, white highs

i was stupid to listen to anything you had to say
i couldn't see you were using me cuz i was born this way
color-blind

seduction

2005-04-22T09:28:00.001-04:00

you wanna know where i go when my eyes look like the sea
i'm caught in the ebb and flow where you cannot follow me

i used to be seduced by the lie- someone will understand
but the men only want your body
and the women just want your man

why should I turn the page when i can predict the end?
it's filling me with rage so why should I pretend?

i used to be seduced by the lie- someone will understand
but the men only want your body
and the women just want your man

he'll turn to me and say 'baby, it ain't what you think.'
i'll turn my head away and drown my heart in a drink

i used to be seduced by the lie- someone will understand
but the men only want your body
and the women just want your man

saving face

2005-03-30T12:43:00.001-05:00

i rarely say what i mean
whisper the words in an empty room
with no one listening
scribble it down on a clean white page
but i'm not so pristine
i don't know what i am doing

i can't tell you what i think
without losing the words in a laugh and a drink
i can't tell you who i am
in the absence of the page and the pen
i can't tell you how i feel
like none of this matters and none of it is real

i break everything i touch
concentrate and my hands start to shake
i've been drinking too much
gives me the courage to lie to your face
so i can save mine
a humble offering to pride

i can't tell you what i think
without losing the words in a laugh and a drink
i can't tell you who i am
in the absence of the page and the pen
i can't tell you how i feel
like none of this matters and none of it is real

feather

2005-03-17T15:12:00.001-05:00

sun doesn’t feel warm anymore
everything takes on a sinister hue
still i launch myself into the blue
used to shuffle but now i soar

i was in the air
i was in the air
i was in the air
and i didn’t need you there

go while you still have the chance
tuck a feather behind your ear
a trinket, a token, a souvenir
last glance and i start to dance

i was in the air
i was in the air
i was in the air
and i didn’t need you there

too many lovers in my bed

2005-03-04T15:36:00.001-05:00

this morning i thought "oh my god, i'm taking the same steps,
the same breaths as yesterday."
wanted to crawl back in bed, tell the world to go to hell
but i kept walking anyway

this is not what i thought my life would be
a war between chaos and destiny
does chance sleep with fate? does fate lie with me?
too many lovers in my bed

so i run around- gain & lose the same ground with the same chance,
the same choice and no sign of change
distractions, transactions bought with the blood of my dreams
i'm told i don't want for anything

this is not what i thought my life would be
a war between chaos and destiny
does chance sleep with fate? does fate lie with me?
too many lovers in my bed

i have this dream where i stand still and
scream
in the street
for no reason.
does anything ever happen?

this is not what i thought my life would be
a war between chaos and destiny
does chance sleep with fate? does fate lie with me?
too many lovers in my bed

one night stand

2005-02-09T16:28:00.000-05:00

the moon saw me home last night at 5 am
so close, i could almost see her surface bend
and she's a lot like me, a sliver of light everyone can see
shadow hinting at memory she cannot mend

one night stand, she sets and rises again
one night stand, drowning in the hourglass sand
turn it over, turn it over, turn it over
i want to start over

i walked several blocks out of my way
to stand under the flickering streetlamps
and he's got a lot of nerve, but maybe no more than i deserve
and i am happy walking home at 5am

one night stand, she sets and rises again
one night stand, drowning in the hourglass sand
turn it over, turn it over, turn it over, turn it over, turn it over, turn it over, turn it over
i want to start over

bar philosophy

2005-02-09T16:25:00.001-05:00

let's just say what we mean
i'm sick of being polite
you're kinda young, you're sorta dumb
yeah, you're exactly my type

let's cut to the chase
you're only good for one thing
you're a fool, you're a tool
but i wouldn't mind a fling

if you can handle this
unspeakable bliss

now i've had my say
don't go wasting my time
cuz you're the drunk i plan to bunk with
so take me home-
before i change my mind

monterey

2005-01-19T14:17:00.001-05:00

sunrise in monterey
sea lion dive and swim away
i'll remember how you look
hide your picture in the pages of my book

when i cry you cry too
and this is how i recognized you
this is how i knew

want to fall into the sea
and drown your troubles there with me?
now we can't go but we can't stay
to see the sunset in moterey

when i cry you cry too
and this is how i recognized you
this is how i knew

this is how i knew

snake

2004-12-20T11:39:00.000-05:00

snake
shed my skin and leave it on the bed
that's the only part of me you can have
you're working out your desire and i'm working out my plan

when you least suspect i'll slip the coils around your neck
you can choke for all i care

snake
holding the venom in my mouth
waiting for the right moment to spit it out
you're consumed with yourself and i'm consumed with revenge

when you least suspect i'll slip the coils around your neck
you can choke for all i care

bullet

2004-12-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

i watch at windows when you're gone
sun crawls across the limitless sky
clock-tick and heart-beat never seemed so long
silence is stalking me again tonight

killing me slow, killing me slow, killing me slow
give me the bullet, give me the bullet, a quick release and let me go

you think i'm a spider fed on your blood
weaving listless webs of winter white
to wrap you up in the trap of my love
a cruel cocoon to keep you from flight

killing me slow, killing me slow, killing me slow
give me the bullet, give me the bullet, a quick release and let me go

if you have any kindness left, let me go
if you have any mercy left, let me go